Its Getting Harder To Fight It

The sadness that is. It feels like a big black hole lately. And I just seem to let it consume me. I know the holidays brought on some of this, and my dads birthday is around the corner so that as well is another factor. Lately I just dont have filters on the things that are coming out of my mouth. I even said today to my boss at work, well the holidays werent great for someone who has a dead dad.

Seriously, what is wrong with me?

We went and seen Gran Torino yesterday. It reminded me of my dad, I wont say how in case you want to see it. But I couldn't handle it. I left the theater bawling my eyes out. Literally sobbing. It was not a pretty sight.

I dont have the motivation to do anything. Nothing. But sleep, eat, drink, and surf the web. Im eating all kinds of crap. Im drinking way to much alcohol which in returns leads to a few days of extra depression. I know what Im doing, but still chose to do so.

Im hoping the new year will bring some optimism, and change. I will start classes so I will have some things to keep me busy. Id like to start training for my half marathon, so hopefully Ill be a little bit more motivated. And maybe just having that whole cliche of a new year, new beginning. Who knows.

The wedding planning is even stressing me out a bit. We have decided to invite some family, and its adding another level of stress. Although planning any event is stressful and causes anxiety to me. So why would this be any different. We decided on family because Im afraid Ill regret eloping with just the two of us. Im really on the fence about this.....but Ill save those thoughts for another day. Back to my favorite hobby these days...sleeping.

Every Day Is A New Beginning

On my desk at work I have a plaque that reads, Every Day Is A New Beginning. It has flowers on it, with a small sun. I start my workday off looking at this plaque, and sometimes it makes me smile, and other times it makes me think let this be a good day .

Today I needed to remember that plaque quite a few times. Probably about mid afternoon I started to feel sad. Than I felt the grief coming on. I tried to ignore it, but that is never a good idea. I went home for a bit before I headed out to Christmas shop. Im super stressed about my Christmas shopping. Unfortunately I had to wait for a check to come through, 3 days before Christmas. And only half of it cleared, and I have to wait till the rest clears on Christmas Eve. Joy right? Not quite. I knew it was going to be a mad house. But thought trying to get some shopping done today vs Christmas eve might be a good idea.

I had to stop by my old endo doc to pick up my records on the way out. I have an appt tomorrow with a new doc that I was put on a 5 month waiting list. So wanted to make sure I brought the records in hand, in case they didnt get faxed. Like my old office has a reputation of not doing. On the drive there the grief got deeper and deeper. I found tears filling my eyes. I stopped them shortly.

I picked up the records, free of cost, which was great. This office has given me a hard time about getting my records, wanting to not give them to me at all or charge me $1 a page. So when they were handed over free of charge, that was a pleasant surprise. Than off I headed to go shopping. I started my trip towards the mall. BIG mistake. Once I got in the vincinity of the mall, it took me 15 minutes to get a half mile. The traffic was horrendous. I drove through two parking lots and decided I would just hit up Target. I parked about a quarter mile away from Target and headed on in. My first mistake was not mapping out what I needed from what store. So I was sort of lolly gallying (is that how you say it?) which was not what everyone else was doing. LOL So I got bumped, shoved, cut off, and all those good things. I started to get a headache from being hungry, and I was very cranky. I found one item, and thought one is better than none. Than I turned the corner and noticed the lines and put my item down. And left. 15 minutes to get out of that parking lot, and I headed back towards my neighborhood. I was already done at that point. But I stopped at Walmart on the way home. I found a close parking spot and snuck in through the garden area. Worlds best kept secret ;) I found a few things, but felt I could find them cheaper somewhere else. Cheaper than walmart, is that possible? I seem to think so. My headache had increased tenfold now. Im sure these two eposides didnt help it...a rude kid that told me to go around him when I said excuse me. And the other two boys that were playing basketball in the middle of the toy isle and hit me with the ball in the head. :rolls eyes: Than I saw something that my dad would love. I picked it up, than remembered I didnt need to buy it. Tears filled my eyes again.

*sigh*

I decided this isnt working. Im not in the right mind frame. Im sad. Im depressed. Im hungry. Lets call it a night, and try again tomorrow. Unfortunately I dont have time for all of that since I only have two days left to shop! But two days is better than none. I stopped by and picked up some comfort food, Buffalo Wild Wings, on the way home. And the cashier gave me a free pop. That made me smile. Went home, enjoyed my food, and tried to relax. Yes I resorted to emotional eating, sue me. And it was damn good.

Tomorrow is a new beginning. A fresh day. I have this appt that Ive been anxiously waiting for, and am really optimistic about it. Im off work at 1:30 for that appt, and than have two days off work. Ive planned out what stores Ill need to hit up for gifts tomorrow, and will rise and shine early Christmas Eve to hit up the other stores.

So I sit here and remember that plaque I glance at every morning. Every Day Is A New Beginning. Please I need a good new beginning. Even if it is for one day, I could use one so bad right now. Im heading to bed early, and hoping to feel well rested in the morning. And tomorrow I will try again. I know the pain of grief, and life in general will still be there, but hopefully the pain will not be so sharp tomorrow. Ill think Ill wear my favorite necklace to brighten my day. And I can wear jeans to work, and thats always something to make me smile :) Its the small things right now that keep me going.

Location & Date Are Set - Let The Planning Begin!

This weekend we got quite the snowstorm, so while being snowed in, having a broke tv (they cant come out for 10 days to fix it!)...it led me to what type of entertainment you ask? The interweb of course! So I dove into some wedding planning! And wouldn't you know we have made some progress. Go us! We have officially decided on a location, Sanibel Island, FL. We also decided on a date, October 14th, 2009. We figure its a Wednesday, and its just the two of us so we should be able to find someplace to have the ceremony on that day with no problem. Only 9 months, 3 weeks, and 2 days! LOL

So all weekend long I have been doing more research/planning. This stuff is fun :) Since the resorts and wedding planner have got me at a crossroads, I decided to look at dresses online. I cant believe how many I like. There is probably 3-4 traditional styles I like, and than I started looking at more simple styles and found some pretty inexpensive dresses that I LOVE. I think in the next few weeks I may go out and start trying some dresses on. Im definitely not at the weight I want to be, but at least I can get a feel for what I think looks good on me vs looks good on the models! LOL

I think I need to probably start some sort of planner so I can keep track of everything in one spot. I definitely think staying organized will mean less stress! Im debating with myself on the wedding planner thing right now. I spoke with a wedding planner that had an awesome rate, and an even better rate with a photographer...but Im not sure we will mesh together. And her professionalism was not impressive. So Ive contacted a few other planners.

We definitely want to stay on a resort. I need to do plenty of more research on that because the research Ive done is conflicting since it is all mixed reviews! We got plenty of time for all that.

Eeeeeek!!!! This is so exciting. I can not wait till Grant and I make our trip to Florida to become Mr and Mrs. Grant Goulet :) Its going to be an amazing time :)

Holiday Savings

As I know how it feels to be strapped for cash this holiday season, I decided to help out. Running my own business means I can run my own specials. So I held a lia sophia open house a few weeks ago. I ran some great December holiday specials, and even offered a chance to win the hostess benefits.

The special I ran was Buy 1 item at regular price, and get up to your next 4 items 50% off. (most expensive pieces always half off of course) If they bought all 5 items, than they got any item out of the catalog valued up to $25 for FREE!

On top of the very great Holiday special I also did a mystery hostess raffle. That is an event where the guests have a chance to win part of the hostess benefits. So I gave out raffle tickets out for certain things done before, during, and after the show. Than at the end of the night did a drawing. There were 4 great prizes...

Grand Prize: 20% of show sales in FREE jewelry!

1st Runner up: 3 pieces at Hostess Bonus Pricing!

2nd Runner Up: 1 piece at Hostess Bonus Pricing, and a FREE retired piece of jewelry

3rd Runner Up: A FREE retired piece of jewelry

Unfortunately there weren't many in attendance at the party, only 4 people in attendance. But those 4 really saved some mega bucks! And all one one of the prizes. Double bonus for them! I left the show open for an additional week for anyone else who might want to save some cash. Who doesn't like getting jewelry for Christmas?! And quite a few people took me up on that offer. :)

The party was such a great time! With a smaller crowd you really got to have more of an intimate time. We all got to get to know each other a little bit better, and had some great conversations flowing! Before we knew it, hours had flown by. I love having a great night out like that :)

So the GRAND TOTAL of savings of all the customers of this show was, $1,405.00!!! How awesome is that? Seriously! The best savings of the night was one guest who saved, $514! That is just awesome.

I know its probably not a lot, but I'm glad I could offer some great sales and help a few people save a little bit more cash during this holiday season. When I delivered the jewelry today everyone was so excited to see the jewelry and, even more geeked when they heard how much they saved. That put a smile on my face :)

Happy Holidays!

HYC Check In - Building Blocks

This week was definitely a better week than last. Of course I still have room for improvement, but as long as Im improving each week than I am a happy girl.

I took the advice of my great support system of Healthy You participants, and focused on point A, instead of point C, mini goals. So I went back to the basics on working out. I dusted off my good old work out DVDs. I forgot how great those DVD's can be. And how sore it made me! Ive been working on a 45 minute workout, and I have gotten through 30 minutes of it. So this week Id like to complete the entire 45 minute workout. As far as eating, I focused on portion size, not taking seconds, and eating one healthy meal a day. I had to catch myself a few times, but amazing what sitting for 15 minutes can do...realizing, hey I dont need that second helping.

I had a Christmas party I went to, and I succeed at one plate there, but did indulge a bit on mini portions of a few deserts. Not a success but its all a learning process. Each situation helps aid in how to handle it next time. Its just making sure I implement that, and telling my inner demon that I deserve to be healthy!

So as I stepped on the scale today, I lost 2 pounds! WOOHOO! That feels like such a small victory to me since this week I was faced with the anniversary of my dads passing. This time of the month, every month since my dad has passed, has been such a hard, hard time. And usually I turn to eating.

So this week I started laying the blocks down. And each week Ill keep building blocks. Sometimes a few blocks might fall down (probably a little more than Id like!), but I wont let it get me down. Ill just rebuild them, and build on top of them :)

Young At Heart Chorus

So as I laid on the couch yesterday battling this cold Im fighting, I decided to rent a movie. As I browsed through the "on demand" selection, I came across Young at Heart. As I read the synopsis, I remembered my friend, Paula, telling me about this film. It is a documentary about senior citizens that are in a choir and sing rock songs. I remember from her review that it is sad, but thats okay, I was up for some tears. And tears I got!

I definitely give this film four stars! It was such a moving documentary for me. The average age of the people in the chorus is 80. And the film follows the lives of these senior citizens while they prepare to perform in their home town, Massachusetts. They are attempting to learn 4 new songs to perform. James Brown - I Feel Good, Coldplay - Fix You, Schizophrenic - Sonic Youth, and Yes we Can Can - Allen Toussaint. Watching these senior citizens learn the words to these songs is pretty amazing, and a little painful at times. They have a hard time finding the rhythm and remembering the words. But when you see them perform it at the end, it really brings a whole new meaning to the songs...and interpt the songs in a different way.

As you watch the film, you really get to know the people in the chorus. There is Joe, who at 86 can remember a song in one afternoon (the only one in the group that can do that!), and he also has had enough chemo to kill a person, but he was still up on stage during while going through chemo treatments. Fred, who has congestive heart failure must sing sitting down with oxygen at his side, and has come back to do another performance with the chorus. Bob, who is a man of many many lives...he has faced death many times but always manages to make it back to the chorus.

Bob Cilman started the chorus in 1982, and while in the film he definitely has a few moments where he might lose his temper a bit, this man has a huge heart. What he has done for these people is amazing. You can just see the sparkle in their eyes when they speak about what the chorus means to them. As they deal with the physical pains that old age brings, they still get to practice every week, and get up there and sing and dance their hearts away!

In the second half of the film, two of the members in the chorus pass away. Bob, the man with many many lives, was in the hospital practicing his lines to Fix Me, by Coldplay, and had a heart attack and didn't survive. You could tell by a few series of events that might be the outcome, but this man was a fighter! He was going to sing Fix Me as a duet with Fred. And it was such a great song because of the meaning for both of them with their health problems. Fred sang the song as a solo in dedication to Bob at the concert. EMOTIONAL! He did an amazing job. It really was so touching. And than Joe, who had battled so much cancer, had a relapse and also passed away. It was something I cant explain or put into the right words....to watch this group deal with the grief of losing a friend, but still going forward and singing in their memory and honor. Incredible. Having the chorus together at that time was such a great support system, and really helped them in their grieving process. They performed at a jail just an hour after hearing of Bobs passing, and they dedicated Forever Young to him, and announced that to the audience. They had all those guys in jail in tears, and those guys all said this was one of the best performances they ever saw!

As I sobbed through this film, I also laughed through it to. It warmed my heart to watch it! I hope I can have such a great spirit as these people when I reach their age. They are a true inspiration! Music really does make such a difference in peoples lives, no matter what age! I would of loved to see this chorus perform!

White Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake

So tonight Im going to the Pink Ladies 1st annual Christmas Party :) Im looking forward to it! I volunteered to bring a desert. White Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake. Grant and I made this last year and it went over really well, and was so yummie. So last night I attempted to make the cheesecake. What exactly was I thinking? LOL You should of seen the kitchen when I was done. Im so baking/cooking challenged!

What You Need:

1-1/2 cups HONEY MAID Graham Cracker Crumbs

3 Tbsp. sugar

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter, melted

4 pkg. (8 oz. each) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened

1 cup sugar

1/4 tsp. peppermint extract

1 cup BREAKSTONE'S or KNUDSEN Sour Cream

4 squares BAKER'S White Chocolate, melted

4 eggs

1 cup thawed COOL WHIP Whipped Topping

16 miniature candy canes

Make It

HEAT oven to 325°F. Line 13x9-inch pan with foil, with ends extending over sides of pan. Mix graham crumbs, 3 Tbsp. sugar and butter; press onto bottom of prepared pan. Bake 10 min.

BEAT cream cheese, 1 cup sugar and extract in large bowl with mixer until well blended. Add sour cream and chocolate; mix well. Add eggs, 1 at a time, mixing on low speed after each just until blended. Pour over crust.

BAKE 40 min. or until center is almost set. Cool. Refrigerate 4 hours. Use foil handles to lift cheesecake from pan before cutting to serve. Top each piece with a dollop of COOL WHIP and candy cane just before serving.

So what the cheesecake should look like is posted above. Mine didnt look so great, but Im sure it will taste just as great. At least the batter did. :p When I took it out of the oven I noticed that it looked a little burnt....not sure if it was the cheesecake that was burnt or the grahm cracker layer on the bottom....I was pretty bummed. Its not the prettiest cheesecake, but its the thought that counts right?

Of course that is without the cool whip and candy canes, which is topped once its cut. I hope it tastes good. lol I seem to have come down with a really bad sore throat, and am feeling a bit under the weather. Which kind of sucks. Im letting it get me down though :)

Now time to go find my white elephant gift exchange item.....

Its that dreaded day of the month again...

That would be the anniversary of my dads passing. 7 months today. I wonder at what point this day of the month gets easier? Or when I wont be like its the X month anniversary of my dads passing. After the one year mark? Its not like I wake up thinking...uhoh its that day. Usually I feel grief get heavier on this day, and than I think oh yeah its that day. This week has pretty much felt like that to me. Heavy, heavy, grief. I find myself irritable, snapping at people, and just being downright mean. If Im around negative people its even worse. Which is weird since Im being negative myself. But it feels like the added negativity is so emotionally draining.

Ive felt like Ive wanted to cry for a few weeks now, but the tears just wouldnt come out. And finally it happened. I was driving home and a song on the radio did it. Its weird what songs really trigger these things. It was Keane, Somewhere Only We Know. I think it was the chorus part that got me, Oh simple thing, where have you gone? The tears filled my eyes. I was glad I was almost home because I thought I might have to pull over due to blurry vision. I arrived home shortly after that. I sat down and fell into Grants arms and sobbed. It felt good to get it out. The pain doesnt seem to be letting up. It stays the same or gets a little harder. Never easier. I just miss him so much. It literally hurts my heart. :(

Everything at this time of year reminds me of him. I was in Hallmark and seen that Christmas Story lamp. He had one of those and loved it! That was a happy yet sad memory. Than I keep seeing advertisements for the movie, Marley and Me. It opens on Christmas day. One of our traditions was to go see a movie on Christmas day, and he would love to see that one. And we would cry together, because he was always so emotional in movies like that, and wasnt afraid to show it. One of the things I loved about him :) Than I saw this Motown dvd/cd collection came out, he loved Motown/Doo Wop. It would of been the perfect gift. I almost want to buy it and listen to it for him.

Ill be glad once I make it through the holidays. I will get through this. Its going to make me stronger. I have to. I keep telling myself that. I do have to admit that losing my dad has really opened my eyes to the whole life is short motto. So many people forget how blessed they are to have the things and people they do in their life. When I hear them complain about some of the tedious things, I try not to be bitter about it. Its hard to not gringe a little bit inside. I really would like to scream, Appreciate what you have! You never know when it may be gone! But I keep my thoughts to myself. I dont want to be that girl that went off the deep end when her dad died. I think we all can be reminded from time to time, lets appreciate what we have right now...in this moment. Not bitch about what we dont have.

Life is short people. Live without regrets. Tell the people you care about that you love them. And enjoy every moment like its your last.

10 Ways to Beat The Winter Blues

So while I dont feel very chatty tonight, I read this article that I thought was a good one to post. While I dont think have the "winter" blues, I defintely have having some type of blues. These are some great tips to follow.

10 Cool Ways to Beat the Winter Blues

Keep Your Energy High and Mood Lifted

-- By Nicole Nichols, Fitness Instructor & Health Educator

Winter is in full force. As the days get shorter and the nights get colder, even the best of us can get a little down. The "winter blues" are characterized by the mild depression, lack of motivation, and low energy that many people experience during this cold season. Luckily, there’s a lot you can do to both prevent the blues from coming on and get yourself back to normal if they’re already here.

1. Exercise
   As if we needed another reason to get fit! Exercise isn’t only for maintaining your weight and staying healthy. It’s great for relieving the stresses of life. Plus, the effects of a good workout can last for several hours after you hit the showers. You’ll have more energy throughout the day, and your metabolism with stay elevated too. Exercise also helps your mind by releasing those "feel good chemicals" that improve your mood.
   
2. Eat a Healthy Diet
   What and when you eat has a great affect on your mood and energy. Avoid refined and processed foods (like white breads, rice, and sugar). These foods are not only devoid of the nutrients your body craves, but they zap your energy levels and can affect your mood—causing depression, lack of concentration, and mood swings. Try to incorporate more complex carbohydrates (whole wheat breads, brown rice, veggies, fruit) and get your daily 8 cups of water. These healthy foods provide your body (and mind) with nutrients, and stabilize your blood sugar and your energy levels.
   
3. Get Some Sun
   Most people know that sunlight provides us with Vitamin D. But did you know that it also improves your mood? Winter days are shorter and darker than other months, and because of the cold weather, a lot of people spend less and less time outdoors. Lack of sunlight can cause many people to become depressed—without knowing why! Similar to exercise, sunlight exposure releases neurotransmitters in the brain that affect mood. Try to spend a little more time outdoors. Keep your shades up during the day to let more light in. Sit near windows in restaurants and during class. Try changing the light bulbs in your house to "full spectrum" bulbs. These mimic natural light and actually have the same affects on your mind as the real thing.
   
4. Act on your Resolutions
   A recent study from the CDC showed a strong link between healthy behaviors and depression. Women who exhibited healthy behaviors (like exercising, not smoking, etc.) had less sad and depressed days than those whose behaviors were less than healthy. Although researchers studied women, the results are likely similar in men.
   
5. Avoid Binge Drinking
   Staying in with a cold beer or a nice glass of wine may seem like the only thing to do in the winter months, and many people who feel down also tend to turn to alcohol when they’re feeling down. But alcohol is actually a depressant, and rather than improving your mood, it only makes it worse. Avoiding alcohol when you are already depressed is a good idea. Moderate drinking is fine for most people, but binge drinking (defined as having 5 or more drinks in one sitting) is never a healthy choice. The morning after will have you feeling sick, depressed, and even more tired, which will affect many aspects of your life. This will make your low energy and bad mood even worse.
   
6. Treat Yourself
   Having something to look forward to can keep anyone motivated. Winter seems endless! But if you plan something exciting, your mood improves when you’re anticipating it and when the event actually comes. Plan something that’s exciting to you—a weekend trip, a day at the spa, a party (but keep #5 above in mind), or special event like a play, girls (or guys) night out, or sporting event.
   
7. Relax!
   You’re busy! Work, class, family, friends, appointments, meetings—even if you enjoy being busy, everyone needs some time off. Don’t be afraid to say "No" to extra opportunities (covering a shift for a co-worker, bringing food to your son’s class party). Try to spend a few minutes each day doing nothing! Read a book or magazine, sleep in on the weekend, go to bed early, try some meditations, or take a yoga class. Relaxation, especially in the form of yoga, can alleviate stress and leave you with a calm energy. Mental exercises like meditation and positive thinking can help keep depression at bay.
   
8. Embrace the Season
   Instead of always avoiding the cold and the snow—look for the best that it has to offer! Take up a winter sport like ice skating, snowboarding, hockey, or even sledding! Enjoy these opportunities while they last—after all, they’re only here a few months per year. Staying active will boost your energy. Seeing winter in a positive light, with all the fun activities that it has to offer, will keep your spirits high.
   
9. Get Social Support
   Don’t underestimate the power of friends, family, mentors, co-workers, and neighbors. Who can you turn to when you’re down and need a pick-me-up? Keep a mental list of these special people and don’t be afraid to ask for help or encouragement when you need it. Something as simple as a phone call, a chat over coffee, or a nice email or letter can brighten your mood.
   
10. Catch some Zzzz’s
    People naturally want to sleep a little bit more during the winter. But with all we have going on, sometimes sleep is the first thing to go. With a little time management, and some self-discipline, you can meet your shut-eye needs. Aim for 7-8 hours each night, and try to keep your bedtime and waking time consistent. That way, your sleeping patterns can normalize and you’ll have more energy. Try not to oversleep—those 12-hour snoozes on the weekend can actually make you MORE tired. Don’t forget naps! A short (10-30 minute) afternoon nap may be all you need to re-energize midday.

I defintely will be implementing some of these each day!

I Need More Consistency - A Healthy You Check In

So I had a rough first week. I dont know what my deal is. Do I not care enough? Do I not want it enough? Do I not think Im good enough? I wish I had the answers to those questions.

Ive been in such a funk lately. All I want to do is lounge around the house, and than I make up all these excuses to justify why Im so lazy. I know what I need to do, but I dont do it. I keep eating like crap, drinking like crap, feeling like crap...what do I need to do to want to make a change?

I only made it out for one run this past week, mostly due to the snow and dropping temps. This year Im such a baby about running outside. Seriously. I ran through the entire winter last year. I do think we had a much more mild winter last year. And it really didnt get as cold as it is now until January and only lasted a few weeks. The desire to run in the cold is just not there this year. I dont have a gym membership right now, due to financial reasons. But I did see that they are opening a LA Fitness a few miles away. I want to check it out and see if they have any good deals going on. Ive heard that its a little expensive...but its a month to month contract which is always a plus to me :) I also got something in the mail from Bally's trying to recruit old members. $99 for a year! Cant be that. I wonder what the catches are though. Either way, I need to budget in a gym membership because Im just not the type that will workout at home as often as I should!

One thing I have learned through my yo-yo dieting experience is that consistency is the key. I need to be more consistent. Even if I start off with something small like being active 15 minutes a day, a few times a week. Or maybe focus on consistency by having 2 out of 3 healthy meals a day. Small consistent goals.

I guess Im having a hard time with the grief and depression. Im really letting it consume me in a unhealthy way. I need to find a balance. Allowing a period for the sadness, and than move forward. Instead Im letting it consume me whole, which is leading to very unhealthy habits. So one goal for this upcoming week....I will blog about my sad feelings, and when I hit submit the grief period is over. I will than follow up with an healthy activity that make me happy. I also think Ill stick to the 2 out of 3 good meals a day. Im open to any suggestions to!

I will have a better week 2 :)

Adopt A Family - One Way To Give Back This Holiday Season

The Pink Ladies adopted a family this Christmas Season. The family was a single mother of four children. 3 boys (ages 12, 10, 9) and a 2 year old girl. We were able to provide 6 gifts for each child. There were so many presents :)

So today we went to deliver the gifts to the family. There were 9 Pink Ladies that made the trip out. As we got to the townhouse, and we all carried in the gifts, the children's faces lit up like a Christmas tree. Seeing their faces really just made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. They were so excited, which made me excited!

Ive always wanted to get involved in helping a family, but shamefully never looked into it. Or never thought we would be able to help out an entire family. (Now I realize I could help out single kids through different programs, and it doesnt have to be an entire family). While money is still strapped this holiday season, participating as a group was the perfect way to give back. Being able to help out a family with the Pink Ladies was such an amazing feeling. I'm so glad Wendi organized this for us. It was such a great feeling to know even though this family may be having hard times, they can still experience joy on Christmas morning.

The family gave us a thank you card, and all thanked us again. I hope the kids enjoy their gifts, and the mother stress will be eased for Christmas day. I can only imagine how it must feel to not be able to give your children the Christmas you would want them to have. Im so glad that we could help this family out. This is something I defintely will be doing every year. :)

Tonight as I watched Grant wrap a gift he bought for a child that his work is helping out, I got that warm and fuzzy feeling all over again. It brings an overwhelming joy to know that we can help out where we can. Pay it forward, a motto everyone should live by..dont you think? Tis the season!

Domestic Diva

I'm pretty impressed with what I got accomplished today. I woke up this morning to a nice layer of snow on the ground. And the snow didn't let up till just a few hours ago! So I took full advantage of a snow day. I enjoyed some morning web surfing, and than before I got sucked in to a day on the laptop I started on some housework.

Dishes, cleaned out the fridge, started the laundry, cleaned the bathroom, swept the kitchen and stairs, dusted the living room, vacuumed, and than cleaned up the bedroom. Phew! Dont you just love sitting down and admiring your hard work and clean house? Or is that just me? :)

I actually fit in coloring my hair in between all that to. I went back to red, but it didnt turn out like I thought it would. But I always think that the first day I color it. lol I have used this red for years, and about 6 months ago went back a to a darker brown. But I needed a change, so back to va va voom red it is :) And Grant said that was his favorite color, so that helps an indecisive girl like me make a final decision! Now if we could decided on wedding details that easy. :p

I decided to go thrifting after that, and scored some great buys! There were some vultures at the store though, but I didnt let them pushing me out of the way get to me. The roads were horrendous . And the snow was still coming down when I came home. But Grant and I decided to head out to Olive Garden for dinner. I overstuffed myself and am now falling asleep in the recliner. HA I really know how to party like a rockstar eh?

I know the weekends are going to get a little busy in the next few weeks, and than starting school after that will lead to not having to much downtime on my hands. So Ill enjoy it while its here :)

Furbabies Updates!

So I dont have anything interesting to blog about. I could blog about my shitty day, but I dont want to sound like a broken record. So what better way to end the night than share pictures of my furbabies! I recently got my camera back so Ive been annoying mommie shooting pictures all the time. Vinyl hates her picture taken, so any time I pull out the camera she bolts the scene. What a brat eh?!

Heres a good one of Bandito and Rusty, they have grown quite fond of each other. Snuggle buddies!


So we bought that nail trimmer thing you see on those infomericals. The one where it files their nail down. They didnt like it at first, but it actually did work!


Rusty loves to nap on top of the couch, and Grant recently got this Afghan from his Grandma. It was what he slept with when he was a little boy. The dogs are enjoying it, especially Rusty. lol


Rusty is not prejudice. He gives all blankies equal snuggle time :)

After a night out the kids missed me so much. So they both had to get in the chair with me. How cute are they?!

You can see how ghetto our house is in these pictures. The old wall paper, the banged up walls. LOL Yeah we havent done much to the place in 8 years. :embarrassed: I also can tell in that last picture how much weight Ive gained from my face. Thats the first place I can always tell. But this post isnt about that. So more pics...

Peekaboo Rusty Boo!
Helping put up Christmas decorations :)

Awww baby Bandito is so adorable!!!!


And Vinyls done being helpful. Now shes playing the bratty teenager role and secluding herself from the festivities. lol


Christmas decorating was intimidating to Rusty, but he eventually came around. After growling at the tree, ornaments, and a Mrs. Santa Claus doll for an hour or so. lol
Do you think Ill ever be able to get the three of them in one picture? That is my goal this month....maybe on Christmas morning :) Ill bribe em with toys! Or better yet, treats!

Lonely

Its just one of those days. One of those days when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, and you try so hard to turn it around...but no matter how hard you try it just doesn't happen.

Work is just so stressful these days. Im thankful to still have my job, but the stress is still there. Especially being year end and all. Than of course money woes have gotten me down. Feels like I can never catch up on the bills. Not to mention trying to save for a wedding at the same time. I also think handling the holiday season is definitely getting me down. I really, really miss having a family. I just wish I had a mom and dad to turn to. I know no dad I cant change, and no mom is my choice. But it still is hard, and it still does hurt.

Im sure I could of reached out to someone today, but I didnt. Its still hard for me to do that sometimes. Maybe because I dont feel like I have "my person". That one person I could just go to and sit and cry and they would just sit there with me. We wouldnt need to talk. Just be there. That is besides Grant of course. Sometimes I need another outlet besides him. I have lots of great friends, but not that one best girl friend where I let all my guards down with.

So its been a feel sorry for myself kind of day. I have days like this, and they pass. What I would do just to have one more day with my dad. To just hang out. Go to the movies, grab some food, or go get some fries over in Windsor and sit down by the water. Just to have a day with him would be the best. I miss him so much. :(

I think Ill call it an early night. Tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully emotionally a better one.

My First Healthy You Check In - My Story

So this is my first Healthy You check in :) I was pretty excited when I discovered the Healthy You challenge. I always find that having a support group like this one, is so beneficial! This is something I definitely need right now. More than ya'll would ever know!

Also, thank you for all the warm welcomes :) I cant wait to get know all of you better, and provide support where I can!

So I have been known to be quite the yo yo dieter in my years. Ive always been overweight, and a few years back I decided to do something about it. So I joined www.ediets.com, and went full force. In about 6 months I successfully lost 35 pounds. I was in the best shape ever. I was also training for my first Breast Cancer 3 Day walk that year. Well shortly after my walk, I kept eating like I was training but was not exercising at all. Before I knew it, I had gained back all the weight I lost and continued to put more on.

Well last year I topped off my highest weight ever at 175. For a 5'4" woman, I was really putting a risk on my health. At that time I also started to experience thyroid problems, and was diagnosed with Graves Disease. I went through a radioactive iodine treatment for the Graves disease. My thyroid was working almost 6 times above the normal level so I was to jittery to do anything, especially exercise. The treatment essentially is suppose to kill your thyroid cells through your bloodstream to either A. bring my thyroid to a normal level, or B. burn my thyroid completely out. While we were hoping it would bring it down to a normal level, I got the latter. It completely burned my thyroid out. I was than medicated with a thyroid replacement pill. And I finally was feeling somewhat normal again. Around this time I also was approved to get a breast reduction, something I had waited for most of my life.

After I was healed from the surgery, I told myself Im going to make that healthier me change. Things were starting to work better for me in the health department, and what time was better than the present. One of my goals after my surgery was to run a half marathon. So I started off a running program, couch to 5k. I ran my first 5k last Thanksgiving, than a 4 miler on NYE, than a 10k in March, and than my half in May. The running was the best exercise for me, it taught me how to love to workout. Something I didnt think was possible! lol I also felt a feeling that I never thought I would feel. And that was feeling like an athlete. A healthy me! One of the most amazing feelings ever. I lost a total a total of 40lbs at that point.

Than two weeks after my half marathon I was dealt one of the hardest things in my life. My dad passed away from a massive heart attack. While Ive been trying to heal, and go through the grieving process, its been very difficult for me. And Ive been an emotional eater most of my life, so that is one of the things I have turned to in the last 6 months. So I have found myself back in that familiar spot again. 25-30 lbs heavier than I was back in May. Ive really been trying to gain momentum and refocus myself on that healthier lifestyle I know. I definitely recognize my battle with food, and figure that if anytime to get a grip on emotional eating...this time in my life is when is the best time to conquer that.

Its really hard right now to not only dealing with the emotional eating, but not letting grief take over me. Its easy to sit in front of the couch and watch tv. Its easy to give into grief and let it consume me. But I dont want the easy way out. I dont like feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Not only for me, but I want to do this for my dad. I need to find my way back to that healthier lifestyle road and stay there. Im tired of history repeating its self. It doesnt need to. History can stay there, in the past!

So Ive been making baby steps. I stopped running after my half with everything that happened. So I told myself I would get back into running. So I meet a friend 3 times a week to go running. Its feels great to get back into it. Although I can say, it defintely isnt as easy as riding a bike! I look forward to maybe doing another half marathon in the Spring. My eating habits have always been my downfall, and that is where I struggle the most. Sugar, fast food, and pop...3 of my very bad habits. I really want to learn how to consistently eat healthier, and want to make those healthier choices over the not so healthy choices.

So my goals this first full week into the challenge. No fast food. Sounds simple right? We shall see. I also would like to add in one toning workout in addition to my 3 running days. I took before pictures (I hate those!), measurements, and am ready to go. So healthy me...here I come!

Procrastinator at its best

I swear I should get the crown for biggest procrastinator. Seriously. I had 4 days off this weekend, filled with absolutely nothing. I had a to do list that was a mile long that I had good intentions of working on. So with all my free time I should have gotten a majority of the list completed, right? What is that you ask, was it? Nope. lol Procrastination has always been one of my biggest downfalls. I blame it on the internet. :p One of the big items on my list was preparing for my lia sophia open house party. I had all these ideas I wanted to plan for the party but didnt exactly follow through with any them. Oops. (Its all good though because they would of worked better on a large crowd.)

So Ive been going back and forth with this open house I have planned for tomorrow. Ive had very low response on the guest list, but than again people dont RSVP these days, so you never really know. I went back and forth for the last two days on if I should cancel it or not. There was suppose to be bad weather, so I thought yeah maybe I should. Than the weather passed. Than I had 3 yes RSVP's and thought how lame would my party be? So I thought Id cancel it. But than I thought, what the heck. I love sharing this jewelry. So what if only 3 people are at the party..sometimes the smaller the crowd the more fun you have! And I have great specials to offer during this hard economic time. So today at 5pm I decided that the party will go on. After I sort of mentioned that it may be canceled. Indecisive much? lol Im driving Jen crazy with my indecisiveness (the party is at her house). So I ran around tonight picking up appetizers, and wouldnt you know most places didnt have much. Go figure. I picked up a couple deserts, chips/salsa, and beer. Jen has a few snacks and the wine. Sounds like a party to me! And than when I got home I noticed two more people RSVP'd - see things are starting to come together :)

Lesson learned? Thats a funny question I ask everytime I find myself in this position. The common answer? Probably not. I work better under pressure anyways :p