Finally Going Back To School

So after a much to long hiatus, I have officially registered for classes in January. It has been 3 years since I took my last class. Do you realize what I could have accomplished in 3 years? I could be almost done with my bachelors. Its sad, isnt it? Embarrassing to.

Most of the problem for not going in 3 years is that I was paying off a tuition bill. I couldn't register for classes until it was paid off. I have the Indian tuition waiver, which pays 100% of my tuition. And I ended up dropping my classes one semester due to some personal problems, which left me with a big surprise. I had to pay for my classes due to guidelines at the financial aid at the university. Not such a smart choice when your attending U of M Dearborn. So since Im always so poor, it took me a couple years to pay off 3 classes. Ugh.

Well that bill is paid off, and now Im at it again. Im still torn on so many things when it comes to my education. Right now Im really interested in this interior design program, but its only an associates degree. And I feel like I need a bachelors to really succeed. Not sure if that is implemented in my head from society, or in reality 4 years from now I really will need one. This program has an internship and employment placement is pretty high. The associates interior design program will take about 3 years. If I wanted to continue on to get a bachelors that would probably take another 3-4 more years. Than Im torn on just finishing up my BBA. Now if I continue on with my BBA, I could probably finish in 4.5 years. So it would be shorter amount of time. But to be honest it completely bores me. Which is why after 10 years on and off, its still not done.

Im 28 years old, shouldn't I know what I want to do?!

So right now I plan on taking prereqs. There is a few semester worths that I still need, and Im going to throw in a few design classes as well as the intro to interior design class. Maybe by next fall Ill have a better idea of what I want. Or not. lol I do have to say Im in a better state of mind than I was a few years ago, to try to figure out what I may want...even though as you can tell from this post it does sound like the complete opposite. :p

I did go to the interior design program open house, and it really got me excited. I talked to some of the students in the program and got to check out their work. I loved it. And the students felt like people just like me, which Ive always felt like I would be an odd ball out in any art like classes. Ive taken a few and have felt like I was the only one struggling through the classes. This program is a less competitive, and there is tons of help along the way. One of the students was telling me how she thought maybe it wouldn't be for her, but there is so much help and really no one is left behind. You focus on more residential type stuff vs a larger university would be more commercial. The director was talking to me and saying how she preferred the residential type. You work with everyday people, and help them make a space they love. I love that feeling. That feel good work feeling :) Which is why I love selling lia sophia jewelry. Its a feel good business :) And design is just so much fun, and rewarding when your done!

I want to release my creativity, something I feel I dont do know at my current job. Although I do second guess myself all the time...do I really have the creativity or at least some talent to do Interior Design? Or is this just some dream that is meant to stay a dream? Than sometimes I just wonder if Im a fit for business, or if Im just trying to make the "smart" choice. Business is not that interesting to me, but it seems like it would be the most safe choice. Than I think about the long time its going to take..and I know that we will be starting a family in a few years so think about how that will set me back a few more years. Maybe I need to find a life coach for a little while.....lol Or maybe I need to stop the self critical comments, and just take the risk and go with it. I may be surprised with the results. And if Im not, at least I tried, right?

So this January Ill finally be back in school. Ill be taking two classes in January, and am pretty excited to be a student again. I will not dwell on where I should be by now, but take it one semester at at time, and just appreciate that in the end it will all be worth it.

Healthy You Challenge

So as I was going through my daily ritual of catching up on blogs I follow, and I fell upon a blog, scalejunkie.com. The post she wrote that day had a poem that had me cracking up, and loving it at the same time. (Ill post the poem soon) I noticed a link on her blog to this Healthy You Challenge she started. So I read up on this challenge, and the FAQ, and thought...this is EXACTLY what Im looking for!

I was blogging with a weight loss community similar to this, but it really has faded out over the last few months. I could use some accountability, and support really bad right now.

The Healthy You Challenge is an ongoing challenge from January 1st 2008 - December 31st 2008. Anyone can join at anytime. This challenge is all about making a healthier you. So you make the goals you want to achieve. Everyone has different goals, and this community is there to support you along the way. Heres a tidbit on what its all about...

What is encouraged and celebrated:

• Pounds lost
• Exercise - according to your limitations and doctors recommendations
  
• Stay on YOUR healthy eating plan
• Non Scale Victories
• Goal setting
• Rewarding yourself
• Challenging yourself
• Supporting other bloggers with similar goals, even if they aren't a part of the challenge
• Asking for help when you feel discouraged

So there is a check in post every Tuesday. You just blog about how your week went. What ups and downs you had on the journey to a healthier you. Than link that post on the Healthy You blog, and go support others that have posted their links to. Sounds pretty awesome eh? I thought so :)

So on Thursday (Ironically on Thanksgiving. lol), I emailed the originator, Diana, and said Id love to join. I know I only have a month left of the 2008 challenge, but sounds like they are going to continue into 2009. So yay to that! Im excited to be part of this community, and continue on my ongoing journey to a healthier me!

Obsessed Much?

Seriously, can I just stick with one design and let it be? Nope. I think Ive changed my layout like 4 times in the last week. One the font color I couldnt get right. Another felt to girly to me. And the list goes on. I think Im content with this one. :p I found how to make my layout 3 columns, which makes me very excited. I know I know...the things that make me happy are a little weird. So lets see if I can actually blog a bit now before I change my mind again. LOL

Again, shout out to http://thecutestblogontheblock.com for hooking me up with all the wonderful layouts and info. You rock!

Now time to do something productive with my morning, aka get off the damn laptop!

Bad, Bad Habit

I have a bad habit...I would even classify it as an addiction. It is to Pepsi. Seriously. I thought I was just drinking one here and there, but I find myself drinking it daily. Every Monday I say, nope this week no more Pepsi! But than I start to have a caffeine withdrawal headache and I open another one. Its getting ridiculous. The sugar, the calories, the contents..oh my!

Ive been battling health issues with my thyroid disease lately, and have ran out of meds. I go to see a new endocrinologist in a month. I know when I stop taking the meds I start to get really bad headaches. And sometimes caffeine helps sooth the pain. Than again all that may just be in my head. Which Im sure it is.

So Im battling a cold right now, a sinus infection. So if I try to kick the habit now, I already have a sinus headache so maybe I wont notice as much? LOL

So while I feel like my healthy lifestyle is spinning out of control, in reality I really am in control. I control what goes in my mouth. I make my own choices. So I will ween my way off of pop this week. I will cut down to a pop every other day if I need it, and only one12 ounceer. Water, water, water. I dont have a problem drinking water. I like it. I think I get bored with water all the time. So if need be Ill throw in a glass of milk, or a juice.

I remember watching a myth busters episode about drinking coke with mentos. And when the coke went down, how big the stomach bloated. I thought damn, that is what Im doing to myself. I think that would be enough to stay away from pop. lol Those things dont phase me I guess. Just like watching Supersize me didnt stop me from eating McDonalds.

The moral of the story, we all have an opportunity in every situation. A blog I follow, The Journey to 70.3, made a great post about this, you can read it here. So maybe her intention was a little more deep than a pop addiction, but its still the same point :) So I will take this opportunity to improve my health. Especially since this is something I CAN control. A soda should be a treat every once in a blue moon. Oooo now blue moon, theres a tasty drink. hehe

So tomorrow starts Day 1 to cutting this bad habit. Opportunity people. Opportunity :)

Newton Faulkner

Yep, I got to meet Newton Faulkner. And how did I react you ask? Like I normally do when I meet someone famous. A little star struck. Didnt say the things I wished I had. And if it wasnt for Danita, I probably wouldnt of even asked for this picture. lol

So Danita and I left work around 3:15, and with a little bit of a challenge finally found Dinos where the event was being held at. When we got there there was a handful of people...I really thought there would be more. The first 50 people got a sampler cd, poster, and entered to win Pistons tickets. Sweet. We werent so lucky to win the tickets though. There was a table left that was right next to the set up, so we took seats there and waited patiently. They served free appetizers. Free show, Free Food...what more can you ask for?

Newton showed around 4:30, and did 4 songs. Gone In The Morning, Dream Catch Me, To The Light, and I need Something. He shared some stories in between songs, worked through an string breaking on his guitar, and got the crowd participation going in Gone In The Morning. It was pretty awesome. He has such an amazing voice, and is so talented. I could listen to him all day long. You dont find to many people these days that are that great acoustically. I have to admit it was a tease. It made me want to see an entire show! When he sang, Dream Catch Me, as one of the songs. It made me a little emotional. I really wish Grant was there. It took me back to the night he proposed. Im so excited to get married to the man of my dreams. Im thinking we should find an instrumental version of Dream Catch Me to walk down the isle to :)

As he was packing up his guitar, one girl asked for his autograph. So I tried to bump in there, and ask for one to. Than his manager announced to everyone that he could not sign autographs and they had to go. Sound check was waiting for them since he had a show that night. As he was signing the girls autograph I told him how Grant proposed to me at his show in April during Dream Catch Me. And than Danita chimes in, yeah Im his stand in today. lol He stopped signing, looked up at me, and than said wow thank you. And did this bowing head folded hand thing towards me. So I stood there for a minute thinking of what to say, I had so many things in my head, and than was interrupted by some girl. A more aggressive girl than me. I thought dang it, I had a chance to talk to him. So Danita took my camera and I said, can I get a picture with you? He said definitely. I thanked him, than turned shy again. What is my problem? Hes just like me and you. LOL Im so silly sometimes.

But its a pretty great picture, dont you think? I was beyond geeked. Especially that the picture turned out good..Im known to not be very photogenic! Than we thought he was heading near the bathrooms so we went over there, but he didnt come that way. So as we made our way back to our table, he was trying to make his rounds. You could tell me was trying to appreciate his fans, but his manager was pulling him away. He was so down to earth, talking to everyone, giving out hugs, taking pictures. Which makes me love him as an artist even more!

Its just so cool to be up close and personal to artists you admire like that. Even if it was just a half hour, Im so glad I got that!

Coldplay and Newton in the same month. Awesome. With some of the not so happy things going on in my life, there also is a silver lining of happiness to :)

Blog Updates

Yep, its time to update the blog look. The season is upon us so I think its time for a wintery/Christmasy look. This one was my favorite :) It really makes me want to dive into scrapbooking again. I often wonder why I stopped. Mostly I think I just dont have the time. But if you want time, you will always make time, right? Scrapbooking projects make such awesome gifts to. Hmmmmm.....not that I have that many people to buy gifts for anyways.

Anyhoo, so this blog has sort of been my secret hideaway. I have a weight loss blog that I barely ever post in anymore. I was part of a weight loss community that has sort of died. So I dont really blog there anymore. Maybe once a month or so. So Ive been coming here to get my thoughts out. Well last week I updated my facebook profile with this as my website. Im not sure how many people even look at the info part on facebook, so wonder if anyone there will ever read this blog. If so, Hi! Come out of lurker and say hello :) I guess its not so secret anymore. Thats okay I could use a vistor from time to time. Beware though, I sort of wear my feelings on my sleeve in here.

Well time to figure out how Im going to make my Sunday productive, and stop being a depressing mop of mess.

P.S. I get my layouts from this site http://thecutestblogontheblock.com ...you should visit them!

If you see my motivation, can you tell her Ive been looking for her?

Seriously, Id like to know where it disappeared to. I have no motivation to work out lately. None at all. I want to, I need to. I want to get healthier and drop some weight, but I just cant get myself motivated. Its a little frustrating because I dont know how to get it back, except just do it. Ive been meeting my friend, Beck, three times a week to go running. Accountability. It works. Even in the monsoon rain we had last weekend we still rain. And I can feel it getting a little easier each time, which means we are making progress. But this week we cant get together, so what am I doing? Sitting my ass on the couch.

Ive been contemplating on doing a workout I found online. I got through on circuit and just stopped. I was to exhausted and it felt like one of those workouts that were just going to suck. What I really would like to do right now as well? Nap. I could probably go to bed right now and wake up tomorrow. Im sure lack of exercise is not helping me in that area. I have a million excuses, but I wont list them all.

Im fat. I need to lose weight. I know what I need to do. But I dont do it. This is a bitch.

I need to get back in the gym. I need to be consistent. And I need to find motivation. The sooner, the better. How...Im still trying to figure that out.

Intimate Setting with Newton - Count Me In!

Grant found something happening this week in Metro Detroit that makes me want to go, EEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Newton Faulkner is coming in concert with Ingrid Michaelson on Thursday. We had plans of trying to make this concert, but Im such a procrastinator that when I went to buy tickets it was sold out. Ive been religiously checking the Internet to see if I could find tickets for sale and have had no luck. :( I even posted a begging plea on craigslist but that didnt work either. So so sad. Grant has clients in from Japan this week at work, so it may have worked out for the best. This is the second time Ive missed Ingrid, so Im a little bummed. And Newton has a very special place in my heart, since that is the concert that Grant proposed to me at.

So Grant sent me a link, and said unfortunately I wont be able to make it due to the clients in from Japan. But maybe you can make this. On Thursday Newton will be doing a intimate mini concert at 4pm! Heres the details:

Join 939 The River on Thursday November 20th at 4pm for another River Session. Newton Faulkner will be at Dino's in Northville to play his songs in an intimate setting This is your chance to catch one of the UK's top singer/songwriters up close and personal. Dino's is at 133 West Main in Northville. Plus the first 50 River listeners will score a Newton Faulkner collectible tour CD featuring rare acoustic tracks. Once again, The River is giving our listeners a chance to be treated to the voice and guitar of Newton Faulkner. The River Session happens Thursday November 20th at 4pm. Capacity is limited, so get there early to get a seat for this exciting River Session with Newton Faulkner.

Um yeah, Im so there. I may have to go alone, but I am so there. I love Newton! His sound and songs are phenomenal! And to see him up close and personal is going to be awesome. At his concert this past April it was a intimate setting and I loved it. I was surprised by the low turnout at his concert...so maybe Ill be lucky to actually get a seat at this? Im thinking if I leave work at 3 maybe I can. Im not sure if I can find a coworker to go with me that early, so Im okay going by myself. Im so geeked! Maybe I can get a picture with him to :)

Reflecting on the last 6 months...

(I posted this blog on myspace, since I have received so much support on there in regards to my dad passing. I know not a lot of people read my blog here, but wanted to cross post it here as well)

Im not so sure that reflecting is the best word to use, but its definitely what Ive been doing this week. Its been 6 months since my dad passed away. It has felt like 6 years. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

So much has happened during this time. So many changes. So many challenges. So many ups and downs. Just 7 months ago we were celebrating Grant and my engagement with him. And 9 months ago we were celebrating that legally I became his daughter. How can so much joy happen and in a blink of an eye my entire world feel like its been turned upside down?

They say that with time things will become more easier. Easier is definitely not the word I would use. Manageable, maybe. But easier, not really. The best way to describe it is like Im in a game of pitfall. Im walking down this long dark tunnel. And there are pits all along the way. At the beginning of this tunnel, the pits are huge. Very wide, very deep. And when I fell in it, I felt like I was practically drowning. But eventually I would climb out of the pit, and continue on down the tunnel. Than I would fall into another pit. This one still huge, but not as huge as the first. And the journey continues on and on and on. Sometimes when I come out of those pits, Im all alone. Other times when I climb out of those pits I have friends waiting for me. And a majority of the time Im lucky to have Grant and the doggies pulling me out of the pit. Than there is the times when pits just pop up, unexpectedly. Those are the ones that hit me like a ton of bricks. But with each fall, Im learning how to handle each one a little better.As time goes on, each pit gets a little bit smaller, and the light at the end of the tunnel gets a little bit brighter. But a question in my head is will the tunnel ever end? Probably not for a long time. And thats okay. Ive accepted that. Its part of my life now.

Grieving is such a complicated thing to go through. But I am surviving. The first few months were not such a pretty sight. And with the family drama that unfolded within these months it definitely did not help. But I took a step back. Put my well being first, and have just taken each day as it comes. Learning to live my life without my dad. A difficult process, often unbearable at times. But not impossible. I never thought at 28 I would have to do this. But he is giving me strength each day, I can feel it.

Just last week my therapist told me how proud and amazed she is of how strong of a person I am. That she has no suggestions on things I could be doing to handle things differently. Im doing everything someone should do to grieve and heal in a healthy way. That was nice to hear. Because often it feels completely opposite than that.

Not only has it been hard for me, but for the people in my life as well. I really consider myself lucky to have the support Ive had during these very hard 6 months. I dont know how I would have made it without all of you. I love the quote, "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Boy has that been true during these last 6 months. While I hope that these people are in my life for a lifetime, I realize they may not be. So I am thankful to have had them in my life at all. You all know who you are, and you will always have a very special place in my heart.

So as I pass the 6 month mark, I continue to move forward. Continue to grieve, and continue to heal. There are a lot of dates coming up that are going to be difficult. The holidays, his birthday, the 1 year anniversary. But most of all, getting married without him here will be the hardest thing of all. But I'll survive all of those. I'll face each one as they come, remembering and honoring my dad the best way I know how. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and I trust that. Its all I can do.

P.S. The one thing that puts a smile on my face daily, is that we have inherited my dads dog, Rusty. He is this 18 pound toy spaniel, that snores like he is an 80 pound dog. My dad snored. Loudly. Every time Rusty does the snorting/snoring combo, I cant help but smile. When I look closely, I find little reminders like that daily. Its pretty comforting.

Christmas Music - Can I Handle It?

My favorite holiday hands down is Christmas. Crazy eh? I have always loved everything about it. I love the holiday season. I love the brisk cold air, the snow falling, the decorations, hot chocolate, decorating the tree, finding that perfect gift, and of course Christmas music.

So every year I look forward to the day that they start to play the Christmas music. Usually right after Halloween. I love it. Call me a weirdo if you like, but it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It makes me happy. I can listen to it all the way through the end of December, and not get sick of it either. Over and Over. Im sure it drives Grant bonkers.

Ironically I have met my soul mate in the Christmas spirit/music loving area. A friend of mine, D, also loves it. I love this girl, and the more I get to know her the more I am like...where has this friend been all my life?! Crazy enough shes been down the street for the last 8 years but we never knew it! lol

But Christmas music is a little different this year. I still got that excited feeling I always get when I hear it for the first time of the season. But as I listen to it, tears welled up in my eyes. It reminds me of my dad. A lot. I remember him always playing it in the car, and singing along. Not only is it just the music, but now the words are so much more intense to me. The meaning behind them is so different than they use to be. Sometimes it sounds like my dad is singing to me. I honestly dont know if I can handle listening to the Christmas music for another 1.5 months. It reminds me of the holidays, and how he wont be around. (Or any of my family for that matter.) But it also makes me smile remembering the Christmases me had together. I guess you have to take the good with the bad sometimes.

Thats my dad with one of his favorite gifts last year. Love how it has a pocket for his remote? :-)

One memory that has been sticking out is riding in the jeep, listening to Christmas music, and driving around to check out everyones Christmas lights. We havent done it together in years...but I remember it like it was yesterday. I wish I had one more season of that.

Its defintely going to be a tough holiday season. But if I keep remembering the good memories, hopefully it will ease the sadness of my dad physically not being here. Ill embrace the Christmas music, and imagine my dad is right there listening to it with me. Because in spirit he really is.

I miss you so much dad!

Not as great as a web surfer as I thought!

So I like to consider myself a pretty good web surfer. I have found some pretty hard to find things before, and found tons of cool stuff along the way. But tonight I seem to be at a loss. Ive been searching all night, as well as a little bit earlier today. I have had no luck, and Im getting frustrated!

My search you ask? Im looking for a venue. Preferably a free venue. I want to hold an open house home party show. Im a lia sophia advisor and I would like to host a show right around the beginning of next month. A great time to pick up Christmas gifts at a great discounted price. My house is not a central location so to speak, its to small, and its a little on the ghetto side. :p So I wanted to have it at a venue. It will be open house, and people can come and go as they please.

So I figured maybe a community center would have a room I could rent for a minimal fee. But no cant find that. Than I thought maybe a restaurant would have something and I could buy appetizers for trade of a room, but not finding much luck there either. I do fundraisers all the time...I should know of something! Usually its not this type of setting though....

So I turned to the old trusty resource of the Internet. And it has depressingly let me down. So if you have any suggestions, Im all ears! Im really excited about the specials in December, and have some great ideas for giveaways. I think it will really help out some people this holiday season. Now if I can only find that location....

Where is the time going?

Seriously there are so many things I want to blog about but where do I find the time? Ive tried to blog the last few nights but seem to chose sleep over blogging. Fair trade right?

It seems like every night there is something going on. Which isnt neccessarily a bad thing. It always seems to be that you have to much time on your hands, or not enough!

I can say I have a lot of stress in my life right now, and I want it to go away. Its so bad that its causing this horrible pain in my right shoulder/neck area. And I know its stress because today at work as I got more and more pissy, the pain got deeper and deeper. And when I go to bed its at its worse to. Yep work related stress. Ive never had that type of pain before from stress.

*sigh*

What I wouldnt do for an hour massage these days. Maybe I should make that a reward for some weight loss. I know I could use some motivation in that department! Geez, ADD much? You see how Im jumping around and babbling....just taking notes for future blog entries maybe. Like how my brain works?

Well if thats the case I still need to discuss Coldplay, running with Beck, my fun weekend, and the interior design program at OCC.

Lets hope my thoughts are a little bit more organized next entry :)

Me? A Runner?

Ive always felt like a runner wannabe. I always wondered...will I ever truly feel like a runner? At what point? Do I have to cross off a list of races I completed before I actually classify myself as a runner? These questions go through my mind over and over. Often when Im running.

My running career started around this time last year. I decided that I wanted to start running to stay in shape, because I felt I was in the best shape that I have been in a long time. And I didnt want to lose that! So I started the couch to 5k program. As I finished off that training program, I ran my first 5k, a Turkey Trot race. I continued to run after that, and my next race I ran was on NYE, a 4 miler race. And I didnt stop there. I decided I would run a half marathon next. With that decision I started a half marathon training plan. Halfway through that plan I ran a 10k. And I finished off my running season in May by running the Flying Pig Half Marathon. All the times I made on all these races were better than I expected. I was pretty amazed at myself, and what I had accomplished.

But even after running all those races I still felt like I was never truly a runner. I was just a wannabe runner. Just getting through each race. I dont know if its just some self esteem issue or what. But I felt like outsider in a way...a running wannabe.

So after that half marathon I took a running break. The summer was coming and I wasnt planning on training through the hot, humid summer. My dad also passed away. So I took a break from a lot of things. Than I was training for the Breast Cancer 3 Day, so running definitely took a back burner. Now that I have time I have started to run again. And Im back at square one, well almost. I do have a base of about 3 miles that I can run..which feels great. But I still feel like Im really out of shape, and that my lungs might explode when Im running. I haven't been as consistent as I should be, so I know that may be why it feels so difficult everytime I get out there. It definitely doesn't feel like riding a bike again. Much, much harder.

But I do know is what it feels like to run a half marathon. I do know that with consistent training it may not get easier per say, but will feel more comfortable. And I can get back to the place I was before with practicing some consistency. As far as not feeling like a runner? Who can truly identify what a runner feels like? Im sure it feels different to everybody. It all depends on your goals. We all run our own run. Our own race. We determine what our running career will be. And what feels like success to each of us.

A great thing to always remember is....every runner , whatever level, was a non-runner at some point.

So even though I guess my running status from time to time, okay so all the time, I can proudly yes I am a runner. Amazing what can happen when you replace the negative talk with a little bit of positivity.