Doubts

I will admit that I dont have much self confidence. Its something I have always struggled with. That is why I love running...it gives me confidence. I can remember specific moments after a race where I literally felt on top of the world. It didnt matter what time I ran in, or what place I came in....just completing the race was enough for me. The self growth is amazing. At times when I feel like Im in situations where maybe I dont have complete faith in myself..Ill go back to those running moments. And think damn girl, if you could do that...than this is a cake walk!

Now with all that being said, Im going through a running rut. Ive been through these before, so I know its not forever. But its giving me doubts. Im not that confident that Ill be ready for a half marathon by May. For the last week Ive struggled to get through a 5k. I am just getting over a cold and still trying to get completely healthy again...so maybe I should cut myself a little bit of slack. But it still has lots of doubts in my head. Like maybe I need to give myself a little bit more time. Or maybe I should just aim to run a 10k rather than a half marathon.

Its just that I have been consistently running 3-4 days a week for 2 months now...and I just feel like 3 miles shouldnt be a struggle for me at this point. It really doesnt feel like the lower miles are getting any easier..and my pace has actually slowed down. But than maybe Im just having a bad week. I remember my 4 miler a two weekends ago was awesome! I think another thing is Im no where near the pace I use to run. So maybe that is putting some fears in my head. Like when I run my next half marathon I will be disappointed if I dont at least run it in the pace I did my last one. Im always so competitive and self critical of myself.

Another thing is Im having more physical issues this time around. My knees are achy, swollen and need to be iced often. I think this has to do with the fact that I have 35lbs more weight than I did last time. I also keep getting all kinds of blisters. Which is annoying, and a little painful!

Ugh. What to do? What to do? Am I throwing the towel in to early?

Ill let you in on a little insecurity Im having. I was planning on running the Flying Pig in Cincinnati. My friend lives there so I would crash with her. Well shes running a marathon the weekend before, so she said she would love to come down with me and run a few miles of the pig with me. She is fast, like under 10 minute miles...where I can barely push out a 12 minute mile. That makes me feel so insecure! Not that she would even care...but that would be like a walk for her. Geez am I ridiculous or what?

I need to make a decision soon. Especially since the rates are going up on the Flying Pig. Im running a St. Pattys 5k...so maybe I should just stop stressing till than. Maybe running in a race will help me make a decision. Or better yet...push away those doubts and realize I can do whatever I put my mind to :)