Who hates going to workout class and seeing yourself in the mirror? Its horrible. I think...who is that girl looking back at me? How in the hell did you get this size? I guess its motivation though eh? I would like to say its just in classes, but anytime Im at the gym I hate seeing clearly. So you want to know how ridiculous I am? I take my glasses off so everything is blurry. I try to tell myself that my glasses just slide off my face, and I like to get lost in the zone. But the reality is...if people are pointing and laughing at me (like I think they are), I cant see them! LOL Got to love insecurities eh? Nobody even glances my way, but for some reason my head cant comprehend that!Tonight I went to cycling class. Luckily I got one of the last few bikes. I forgot its January and the gym is packed. I had to go to the third parking lot to find a spot! The bike that I got was front row, right in front of the instructor. Groan. Just before I left I said to Grant...hopefully I dont get front row and someone has to stare at my ass. LOL But looking at the positive...always the positive...I knew Id get the most of my workout being in the front row. No wimping out, or losing form when the instructor is right in front of me! I had that mirror staring at me. But this was like a 3D every wall in the room type mirror. The devil! Of course I thought wow everyone is like...look at that girl! Who does she think she is wearing that? So I took off my glasses, and enjoyed the rest of my class with blurry vision. HA! Im so messed up in the head.
I havent been to cycling class since before the wedding, so it was rough. But I just focused on my breathing, and drank lots of water. Before I knew it, class was over. Okay maybe not before I knew it...because I felt every single minute in that hour! I made it through a standing hill climb, surges, jumps, simulating jogs, and than the killer...sit down high resistance 12 minute hill climb. Phew! I feel GREAT! I love this feeling :)
Maybe in a few weeks I can keep my glasses on. :p
1 comment:
You should see me in dance class. I don't watch myself dance. It drives my instructors nuts. I actually had one instructor who used to stand directly in front of me (the direction of the mirror) and scream at me "LOOK IN THE MIRROR!!!! LOOK UP!!! MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH YOURSELF!!!" I'm a total ham and love performing for an audience, but I cannot bear to look at myself in the mirror at this weight. I always wonder how I went from the girl who used to take class in a teeny tiny sports bra and low slung pants to the fat girl who covers herself in big baggy clothes and multiple layers. It's getting better, but not much better...It's hard work to look in the mirror and feel good when you're surrounded by others with tight and tiny bodies. I guess we just have to work on not letting the voices in our head get the best of us.
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