Reality Check

Well I am have started off this year with a big, FAT, reality check! I know that Im at the highest weight Ive ever been. I know that the choices I make on a daily basis are factors in this. But sometimes you just need something to smack you in the face and say, Hey Melis...you are out of control.

Last week I went shopping to find something to wear for New Years Eve. Now shopping can be quite the depressing activity for me. So I was sort of mentally prepared for it. As usual I couldn't find anything that fit right. I felt ugly in everything. My rolls stuck out everywhere. So I decided what anyone my size would do, accessories Melissa. Accessories. But even accessories were slim. As I was heading back home, I passed an old favorite bra store of mine, so decided to go in and treat myself to a new bra instead. I could tell that the ones Ive been wearing are definitely the wrong size. So I went in and got sized by a consultant. Sure enough I was wearing a size WAY to small. When she told me the size, I gasped. Than I thought she probably is a little off. They usually are. But once she brought the bras out, and I tried them on, she was pretty accurate.

What was the reality check? The bra size was the same size I was BEFORE I had my breast reduction. If that isnt a HUGE reality check, than I dont know what is. The difference this time is that my breast tissue is all FAT. Where before it was more all dense tissue. Its pretty embarrassing actually. I went through so much to get approved for that surgery. Than take in account the recovery process and time....its shameful that Ive let myself get like this! Im sure once I take healthier steps the weight will come off, and Ill have my small boobs back again but its the whole principle! I even had a lift when I had my surgery...now since Im back to the yo yo game of gaining and losing, the lift...well isnt so lifting anymore. :(

So there it is. A reality check. Sometimes you need something to smack you in the face to finally realize you have to make changes. Ive been trying to make small changes in the short 7 days of the new year...and I can tell its going to be a long hard journey. One Ive taken many times before. But it can be done. Oh yes it can be done.