Its that dreaded day of the month again...

That would be the anniversary of my dads passing. 7 months today. I wonder at what point this day of the month gets easier? Or when I wont be like its the X month anniversary of my dads passing. After the one year mark? Its not like I wake up thinking...uhoh its that day. Usually I feel grief get heavier on this day, and than I think oh yeah its that day. This week has pretty much felt like that to me. Heavy, heavy, grief. I find myself irritable, snapping at people, and just being downright mean. If Im around negative people its even worse. Which is weird since Im being negative myself. But it feels like the added negativity is so emotionally draining.

Ive felt like Ive wanted to cry for a few weeks now, but the tears just wouldnt come out. And finally it happened. I was driving home and a song on the radio did it. Its weird what songs really trigger these things. It was Keane, Somewhere Only We Know. I think it was the chorus part that got me, Oh simple thing, where have you gone? The tears filled my eyes. I was glad I was almost home because I thought I might have to pull over due to blurry vision. I arrived home shortly after that. I sat down and fell into Grants arms and sobbed. It felt good to get it out. The pain doesnt seem to be letting up. It stays the same or gets a little harder. Never easier. I just miss him so much. It literally hurts my heart. :(

Everything at this time of year reminds me of him. I was in Hallmark and seen that Christmas Story lamp. He had one of those and loved it! That was a happy yet sad memory. Than I keep seeing advertisements for the movie, Marley and Me. It opens on Christmas day. One of our traditions was to go see a movie on Christmas day, and he would love to see that one. And we would cry together, because he was always so emotional in movies like that, and wasnt afraid to show it. One of the things I loved about him :) Than I saw this Motown dvd/cd collection came out, he loved Motown/Doo Wop. It would of been the perfect gift. I almost want to buy it and listen to it for him.

Ill be glad once I make it through the holidays. I will get through this. Its going to make me stronger. I have to. I keep telling myself that. I do have to admit that losing my dad has really opened my eyes to the whole life is short motto. So many people forget how blessed they are to have the things and people they do in their life. When I hear them complain about some of the tedious things, I try not to be bitter about it. Its hard to not gringe a little bit inside. I really would like to scream, Appreciate what you have! You never know when it may be gone! But I keep my thoughts to myself. I dont want to be that girl that went off the deep end when her dad died. I think we all can be reminded from time to time, lets appreciate what we have right now...in this moment. Not bitch about what we dont have.

Life is short people. Live without regrets. Tell the people you care about that you love them. And enjoy every moment like its your last.