Every Day Is A New Beginning

On my desk at work I have a plaque that reads, Every Day Is A New Beginning. It has flowers on it, with a small sun. I start my workday off looking at this plaque, and sometimes it makes me smile, and other times it makes me think let this be a good day .

Today I needed to remember that plaque quite a few times. Probably about mid afternoon I started to feel sad. Than I felt the grief coming on. I tried to ignore it, but that is never a good idea. I went home for a bit before I headed out to Christmas shop. Im super stressed about my Christmas shopping. Unfortunately I had to wait for a check to come through, 3 days before Christmas. And only half of it cleared, and I have to wait till the rest clears on Christmas Eve. Joy right? Not quite. I knew it was going to be a mad house. But thought trying to get some shopping done today vs Christmas eve might be a good idea.

I had to stop by my old endo doc to pick up my records on the way out. I have an appt tomorrow with a new doc that I was put on a 5 month waiting list. So wanted to make sure I brought the records in hand, in case they didnt get faxed. Like my old office has a reputation of not doing. On the drive there the grief got deeper and deeper. I found tears filling my eyes. I stopped them shortly.

I picked up the records, free of cost, which was great. This office has given me a hard time about getting my records, wanting to not give them to me at all or charge me $1 a page. So when they were handed over free of charge, that was a pleasant surprise. Than off I headed to go shopping. I started my trip towards the mall. BIG mistake. Once I got in the vincinity of the mall, it took me 15 minutes to get a half mile. The traffic was horrendous. I drove through two parking lots and decided I would just hit up Target. I parked about a quarter mile away from Target and headed on in. My first mistake was not mapping out what I needed from what store. So I was sort of lolly gallying (is that how you say it?) which was not what everyone else was doing. LOL So I got bumped, shoved, cut off, and all those good things. I started to get a headache from being hungry, and I was very cranky. I found one item, and thought one is better than none. Than I turned the corner and noticed the lines and put my item down. And left. 15 minutes to get out of that parking lot, and I headed back towards my neighborhood. I was already done at that point. But I stopped at Walmart on the way home. I found a close parking spot and snuck in through the garden area. Worlds best kept secret ;) I found a few things, but felt I could find them cheaper somewhere else. Cheaper than walmart, is that possible? I seem to think so. My headache had increased tenfold now. Im sure these two eposides didnt help it...a rude kid that told me to go around him when I said excuse me. And the other two boys that were playing basketball in the middle of the toy isle and hit me with the ball in the head. :rolls eyes: Than I saw something that my dad would love. I picked it up, than remembered I didnt need to buy it. Tears filled my eyes again.

*sigh*

I decided this isnt working. Im not in the right mind frame. Im sad. Im depressed. Im hungry. Lets call it a night, and try again tomorrow. Unfortunately I dont have time for all of that since I only have two days left to shop! But two days is better than none. I stopped by and picked up some comfort food, Buffalo Wild Wings, on the way home. And the cashier gave me a free pop. That made me smile. Went home, enjoyed my food, and tried to relax. Yes I resorted to emotional eating, sue me. And it was damn good.

Tomorrow is a new beginning. A fresh day. I have this appt that Ive been anxiously waiting for, and am really optimistic about it. Im off work at 1:30 for that appt, and than have two days off work. Ive planned out what stores Ill need to hit up for gifts tomorrow, and will rise and shine early Christmas Eve to hit up the other stores.

So I sit here and remember that plaque I glance at every morning. Every Day Is A New Beginning. Please I need a good new beginning. Even if it is for one day, I could use one so bad right now. Im heading to bed early, and hoping to feel well rested in the morning. And tomorrow I will try again. I know the pain of grief, and life in general will still be there, but hopefully the pain will not be so sharp tomorrow. Ill think Ill wear my favorite necklace to brighten my day. And I can wear jeans to work, and thats always something to make me smile :) Its the small things right now that keep me going.