wedding planning. I went to a bridal shower yesterday. Ive been friends with this girl for a few years now, and Im really happy for the couple. They both are such great people. But going to the bridal shower feels like it wasnt the best choice for me right now.Than again its never the right time for me these days.As I sat at the bridal shower and watched the interactions between everyone I felt a void. I don't have that. I dont have an excited family to plan with. I don't have a mother to help plan the most amazing day of my life. And I definitely don't have a father who gushes over walking his daughter down the isle. While I have many friends, I certainly dont have that best friend to vent to when I need to. It makes me very sad. I know I need to stop thinking of what I dont have and focus on what I do have. But its hard. Very hard.
Wedding planning has been a extreme emotional roller coaster ride for me. Im so excited and happy to be marrying the man I love so much. But maybe I was expecting I would feel differently. More happy. More excited. More positive. But its the opposite. I often feel sad. I avoid wedding planning as much as possible because its just not what I expected. I have 3.5 months till the wedding and have very limited things done. Anytime I start something I get sad.
Im so angry that my life is where it is right now. What did I do to deserve this? Why am I here? Why didnt I stick to eloping? Instead Im hosting events that I think are going to make me more sad than happy.
Is not at all what I expected. Not one bit. Its lonely. Very lonely.
3 comments:
Sorry you're having a hard time :( Is there a way you can keep these events small and low-key and just focus on yourself, your fiance and your pups for the big day?
I wish I lived closer so that I could be a part of these things. I often feel lonely too, and don't have close friends to confide in or talk to. If you want to talk, you have my number!
I'm sorry you are feeling lonely.
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