Missing Pieces

So summer is here, which is a great thing. But lately Ive been feeling a little lost. Usually every summer Im so busy with training and fundraising for the Breast Cancer 3 Day. Now this summer Im just as equally busy with summer school, work, and wedding planning. But I still feel this void. This huge sadness. I miss the 3 Day!

I miss cramming in all those training walks. In the sticky, humid, heat. Especially the chats that go along with those walks. Jen and I barely see each other now! It was like my everyday therapy session with her. I miss that excitement I get leading up to the week of the event. Finding out opening and closing ceremonies. Going through the check in process online. Preparing for the event by making tshirts, and finding pink fluffy things to accessorize in. I miss the scrambling around to put on one last fundraiser event to meet my goal. Packing and repacking my bag to make sure its at the weight limit. Funny how when those things are happening you dont realize how you would miss them if they werent there.

The Breast Cancer 3 Day is such an amazing event, and it makes me feel like I have a purpose. I feel so great being a participant. Im saving and chaning lives, literally. So when thats not there this year I feel a huge void. Sometimes I think I need the 3 day more than it needs me! I feel like Im wandering through the summer wishing I had something to work towards. Instead Im wedding planning, and feel like Im failing miserably at it! Seriously, Im so clueless at this wedding planning and afraid Im going to end up with this hokey event. Im sure it wont, and it will all work out in the end. I have to keep reminding myself, its just a different type of planning. Ive planned tons of fundraising events. This one just feels a little bit more pressured! lol

I dont know if this void is what is zapping my motivation. But I seriously have none. I try to do things to find it, but its so lost. I thought signing up for a race might force motivation. I will find races to sign up for, but than I dont do the deed and sign up. The two races I previously had on my blog I never signed up for, nor trained for. Ive added two new ones today. We shall see if I take the dive and sign up for those. I sat down today and made out a workout schedule starting next Monday till October 18th. Its a little overachieverish, seeing that my workouts are so sporadic right now. Going from 1 workout day a week to 5 is probably not the smartest choice. But I have been known to be an all or nothing girl. I printed out this months workout schedule and put it on the fridge. I thought I would give myself a star for the days I worked out. And told Grant he can put whatever he wants on the days Im suppose to work out and dont. Im looking for any motivation at this point!

I want to get excited about something. Something that is health related. I remember the way I felt when I was in great shape going into the 3 Day. Or how I felt after I ran my half marathon last year. I want that excitement again. I need to find that again.