Holiday Workout Challenge

Hiatuses are overrated dont you think? Ive missed my blog! :)

So a friend of mine invited me to join a Holiday Workout Challenge on Facebook. Its an 8 week challenge from November 1st to December 26th. Each participant made individual goals they would like to meet, and we also committed to 30 minute workouts, 5 days a week. And if you follow all the rules there is even an drawing to win some fitness prizes. And its FREE to participate. Pretty cool eh?

I wasnt sure how I would do with 5 days of workouts. That is a large commitment especially with my school and work schedule. Not to mention that before the challenge my workouts were very inconsistent. But I was up for the challenge. Especially anything that keeps me motivated through the holidays!

Here are the goals I made:

• I am committing to 5 days of workouts, with 3 of those running.
• Drop one size, and stay off the scale!
• Scale down my pop intake! Im going to start off with one 20 ounce every other day, and hope to be at zero by the end of the challenge!

I have to admit I got off to a rocky start. Than again I was on vacation that first week of the challenge. So tried not to stress to much about it. When I got back it did take a couple of weeks, but once I said enough is enough, I gave it everything I could. I finally had some motivation to get to those 5:45am cycling classes! And now I cant see starting off my Monday and Wednesday mornings any other way! On other days I have been running or doing a circuit/strength training DVD at home. I'm happy to say that I am now in my fourth week of 5 day workouts! It really does feel like part of my day now. Its a habit! I never thought I would be saying that. I just feel healthier. I haven't dropped much weight, but that's okay. Because I feel thinner. I feel stronger. I feel like I'm making better choices. And that's what its all about!

Now that pop goal...yeah that hasn't been going so great. So I think for these last few weeks Ill really try to focus on that a little bit better ;)

Battery Low!

Oh the ups and downs of running....how Ive missed you. Im trying so so hard to get back into running, as challenging as it is! Ill dont think Ill every truly understand how one day it feels so effortless, and another day it feels so hard! All part of the love/hate relationship I suppose.

Today I went out for a run, and was hoping to push out a 5k. Its a beautiful day here in Michigan. Near 70's, sun is shining, wind is low....you dont get many of these days in late October! Perfect running weather right? Not exactly. My legs were feeling a little sore from my strength training session yesterday....so I wasn't sure how far Id be able to go. Once I started running my legs were definitely feeling a bit fatigued. I could barely get out 1.3 miles before I chose to walk. And wouldnt you know at that moment my Garmin than beeps at me, battery low. I thought...you aren't kidding! lol The next mile was a combination of walking and running. Which Im okay with. Not my favorite runs, but I know these days happen. It isnt the first time, and it wont be the last!

You win some you lose some. I pushed through it, and gave it what I got...sometimes thats all you can do! Next time I have one of those effortless runs...Ill appreciate it more than ever!

Sabotage? Fear? Insecurity?

My behavior this week has left a lot of questions running through my head. My plan was to start a running regime this week. Id like to try to run a 5k in October or September. I know its doable since Ive done a few runs on the treadmill in the last few weeks and was able to push out a 2-2.5 mile base. I love how I feel when I run. From the challenge to the strength. So how come I found every excuse possible to get out of it? I need to just get out there and do it. Sure my schedule is INSANE right now, but running will be a great stress reliever.

Another thing this week is I have been a gluten eating machine. I have been experimenting in the gluten free world long enough to know that eating gluten effects me in ways that are not pleasant. It makes me depressed, extreme mood swings, and literally sick to my stomach just to name a few! Yet I keep putting more poison in my mouth meal after meal, snack after snack.

So what am I doing? Sabotaging myself? I know sabotage well. I have done it many, many times. So why do I do it? I think its so much deeper than just making bad decisions. Could it be fear? Fear of what the end result could be. I could be successful and/or happy. Maybe I feel Im not worth happiness....or success....instead I like to punish myself. I think I deserve to feel miserable. Like Im not worthy of goodness. Which leads me to believe this is linked to my insecurities. Oh insecurities how Ive worked so hard to beat you! But you seem to still pop up from time to time.

Not really sure where Im going with this. Just thinking out loud I suppose. I guess its good that Im recognizing that I do the things I do because of an underlying issue. Now what I do about that is what matters....break the cycle....something I also have tried many times before. So what am I going to do different this time? Thoughts for me to ponder on......

Gluten Free Journey

Ive mentioned a little bit in here about my new gluten free lifestyle. Well its been challenging to say the least, and Ive been falling off the wagon more often than I like. I have decided to create a blog on this journey, to keep myself accountable...as well as keep record of whats working for me and whats not! A lot of gluten free blogs that I have fell upon have been helping me tremendously, so maybe blogging about my journey could help others to!

Check it out: www.guiltfreeglutenfree.blogspot.com

Not to worry, I will still be posting here to. Im sure some gluten free posts will get cross posted on both blogs. But I didnt want this one to get override with gluten gluten gluten! :p

Brainstorming Next Tattoo Idea!

Now this is a subject that I love! Another tattoo is something that has been on my mind for quite sometime. The one that has been sitting on my mind is one that represents my amazing experience with the Breast Cancer 3-Day. I was so blessed to participate in my sixth walk this year. It is an event that has truly changed my life, and I want to express that creatively. I dont necessarily want a pink ribbon, but something that represents hope, awareness, and strength.

So as I was browsing thyroid and gluten free blogs this week, I fell upon a an artist. Her name is Allyson Averell. Ally suffers from thyroid disease, and has expressed her awareness through her art. This was taking from her fan page:

I painted this on myself last night because the other day I got fed up with people only seeing my illness when they look at me. Why have you gained so much weight? Why is your face breaking out so bad? Why are you so tired all of the time? Why are you in such a bad mood? Trust me, I deal with these symptoms on an everyday basis. I do not need any reminding. Maybe, just maybe, if there was much more awareness out there, there would not be so many questions. Thyroidism comes in many shapes and sizes, but there is one common denominator that we all share. Every single day we all fight a physical, mental, and emotional battle with ourselves.So through this trying time lets support each other, for we truly are the only ones who understand how we feel. And most importantly, we must raise up together to make ourselves known.

Here is another picture of Ally painting her own artwork on herself. So talented!.

Ally also developed a "Fighter Flies" series of artwork. A thyroid fighting series. These pieces are custom to each person fighting this horrible disease. Love these pieces, and will be placing an order for one of my own! Looking at it everyday will remind me of the struggles I go through day after day, but still I remain strong! Check out the series here!

So this has got the wheels turning.....now first Im going to contact Ally and see if she minds if I branch off her idea. And I never thought I would get a butterfly. The butterfly is the shape of the thyroid. And when I think of butterflies....I see so much. How it feels the butterflies have been released from protecting my thyroid gland....but instead butterflies fly through my systems at all times creating havoc on all hormones, systems, and functions! So Im thinking I could wrap in my 3 day tattoo with my thyroid awareness tattoo. A combined awareness, strength, hope tattoo.

Exciting stuff!!!! Now to research an artist. While I absolutely love the artist that did my half sleeve....I think for this one Im looking for a little bit of a different style. I have some time on my hands...I probably wont dive into this one until late next year anyways.

Did I mention how much I love tattoos? Expressing my growth and strengths through art is so inspirational!

Choices...

Everything we do is a choice. Good Choice. Bad Choice. Sooner or later we get sick of making bad choices right? I think Ive finally reached that point.

I have had a pretty rough emotional day. Some personal stuff going on. That of course reflects into my daily life. So many thoughts going through my head. So many scenarios. So many questions. Its overwhelming to say the least. Today I started to get a migraine around lunchtime. I was eating through out the day, and drinking lots of water....so Im assuming it was stress. Once the migraine hit, my energy felt zapped. It was a little warm in the office today so that may have added to my blah feeling. Its frustrating that Im taking these steps to a healthier me, and Im feeling anything but healthy. I know it will take a few weeks to "detox", but geez these withdrawals are rough.

As I was leaving work I had a choice to make. Go to the gym or go home. The gym is now literally on the way home, so no excuses. I said well this migraine is really rough....but I could at least go and do 30 minutes. Or I could just stop, get a Slurpee, and go home to take a nap. As I was playing these mind games with myself....I found myself getting off the freeway exit to the gym. So my choice was to go to gym. I decided I would jog on the treadmill. Right when I started I could feel my feet getting very heavy. I promised myself to just push through a mile and I would stop. Some days you just dont have it in you...but you still push through it. You give it all you got. And that is exactly what I did. I made it 15 minutes on the treadmill, and than did another 20 on the elliptical. Phew, I made it. Good choice today. Ill take it.

As I move into this healthier lifestyle, a move I have made many times before, I have to remind myself that everything is a choice. Every thing I chose to eat, everything I chose to drink, every activity I chose to do. All of it are factors in this lifestyle. So do I chose to keep making the same mistakes, or do I chose to make me a healthier happier me?

I have a obsession with quotes these days...and this one sums this post up perfect.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

Boy is that true.....I think Im ready to be sane :) And on that note, Im making another great choice. Heading to bed early so I can get a good nights sleep. Night blogger friends :)

Baked Parmesan Garlic Chicken Wings

I have officially started my new gluten free, casein free lifestyle. Its been EXTREMELY overwhelming. So to make things a little bit easier on me, I decided that I would only try to make one gluten free recipe per week. When I was looking through recipes there are so many ingredients in all of them. Of course to spice up the food so it taste good. Makes sense. Well for a cook on training wheels like myself, some of these recipes seem nearly impossible. Or Ill attempt them and the end result will just not taste good. And in this day and age that would just be horror wouldnt it? All that time wasted. lol So instead of taking on many new recipes, I would just focus on what new recipe a week. Thats completely do able, dont you think? And less food wasted. Win win for me!

I fell upn this yummie recipe in my google searches, Baked Parmesan Garlic Chicken Wings. It looked delicious! So I ventured out to the grocery store, and tackled the spices section. I will admit it was pretty exciting :) Maybe Ill treat myself to a spice rack in the new future! Now that is the picture from the recipe, sorry cant take credit for that one! lol And I didnt use wings, instead I did Chicken Tenderloins, and it was quite tasty!

This recipe is from Chef Jesse Thomas from PizzaAmore in Mount Dora, FL.

http://blogs.discovery.com/tlc-steamy-kitchen/2010/01/baked-parmesan-garlic-chicken-wings.html

Baked Parmesan Garlic Chicken Wings Recipe
Recipe from PizzAmore, Mount Dora, Florida

Serves 4

1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon dried rosemary
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon kosher or sea salt (1/2 tsp table salt)
2 1/2 pounds chicken wings
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil (or melted butter)
2 tablespoons minced fresh basil
2 garlic cloves, finely minced
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon seasoning salt (like Lawry's)
1 cup blue cheese dressing
1-2 teaspoons Dijon mustard (or to taste)

1. Preheat oven to 425F. In a small bowl, mix together the oregano, rosemary, cumin and salt. Lay the chicken wings on a baking sheet and season the chicken wings with this mixture.

2. Bake the chicken wings for 20-25 minutes. While the chicken is baking, mix together the oil, fresh basil, garlic, Parmesan cheese and seasoning salt.

3. In a separate bowl, mix together the blue cheese dressing with the mustard (this is your dipping sauce)

3. When the chicken is cooked through, toss the wings with the garlic/cheese/butter sauce. Serve with the blue cheese/mustard dressing.

First gluten free recipe a success! Wooohoo! Im hoping for a much smoother second week. Hopefully less headaches, and a little bit more energy. Enjoying the process as much as I can. Everyday is a new experience!

Anyone Home?

Wow, has it really been 5 months? Shame on me! I have been pretty busy though......summer classes, work, 3 day training, fundraising, and trying to enjoy summer where I can! But definitely still need the outlet of blog writing! Oh boy do I need that!

Blogger has updated their templates to...so I updated and cleaned things up a bit :) Fancy schmancy :)

My best friend was in town for the weekend, and it was wayyyy to short. I miss her so much already! I cant wait till she moves back next year. Life will feel so much more complete! I dont remember the last time I laughed so much. Unfortunately we had a few wrenches thrown in our weekend...and I didnt handle it as well as Id like. But every experience gives us a chance to learn, and as long I can learn and grow from it than not all is lost. Still doesnt make me feel any less disappointed in myself. It took away some of the limited time with my company, and I shouldnt have let it.

Enough of that. Tomorrow is a new day. We got new PC's at work over the weekend, so it wont take an hour to get mine up and running. Its a 4 day work week. And the 3 day starts on Friday! Its going to be a fantastic week!

I Need Some Accountablity

Ive gotten a little off track. Shortly after my 5k, back on the 14th, I got another sinus infection. Actually I think it was the same one just never went away. This time I decided that I would rest. I took that a bit to far by taking off practically a week from working out. Its so hard to get back into the swing of things. I was so bad that I was satisfied and considered a workout when I walked the dogs. No where close to a workout. Trust me. This past week I did get in a two Jillian Michaels workouts, a run, and cycling class. So not to bad for getting back into the swing of things.

Now my eating is out of control. I have always struggled with my eating, but lately its nothing but lots of sugar, processed food, and carbs. I need an intervention. Seriously. I just cant stop putting crap in my mouth! And the pop Im consuming is ridiculous. I need some accountability. I think if I really buckled down on this eating gig than I could see some of these pounds drop. But until I do all those workouts are doing is helping me maintain. Why do I participate in this vicious, unhealthy cycle?

I know that I should make some small goals this week. Just focus on those. Because I cant do everything at once, and maybe thats exactly what Im trying to do. When I fail at the all or nothing mentality, than I think well everything is downhill from here so I myswell go back to my old unhealthy habits. Something Ive always struggled with. I need to figure out how to break those thoughts. Realize that everything is not always black and white.

Tomorrow is a new day. And everyday is a new beginning my friends. With that thought in mind I will make two goals this week. The first one which I feel is the biggest issue is decreasing my pop intake. Ill say that one 20 ounce every other day is feasible. I also want to eat a fruit or vegetable with every meal. These two things are completely doable. If I slip up on other areas I will not go back to the all or nothing mentality. I will acknowledge the slip up, learn from it, and move on. I will also celebrate daily my success with my two weekly goals.

Heres to refocusing, and holding myself accountable!

Why Is Change So Hard?

I have been working on change. Its a work in progress, and while Id like to think that Im moving forward...Im beginning to think Im just standing in place.

I know what I want. I know what I need to do to get there. Im even doing some of those things. But than I go back to old habits, and sabotage the change. So much like this picture I bounce between old and new, old and new, old and new. Its like Im in a game of ping pong. So why am I doing this? Why am I resisting? What am I scared of?

These are questions that have been racing through my mind for the last week. Change looks so promising. So pleasant. So where I want to be. But taking that leap feels like jumping into on coming traffic. I look at the old me and like the safety. Its comforting, and what I know. But at the same time its everything I dont want to be. It has this dark cloud surrounding it. I can see the pain and negativity smothering me. Why would I want to stay like that? Theres a part of me that is scared of taking the steps to a changed me and leaving all that "safeness" behind. Can I survive that in between period? What if its lonely? What if I feel like I made the wrong choices? What if I fail at change?

Isnt this crazy? Obviously Im unhappy with where or what I am, or I wouldnt even be thinking of change. I should want the best for me. To bring out the greatness in me. To become that person I know I can be. How do I get through this? How to I stop thinking, and start doing? When is enough? When do I finally say, this is it! I am taking the risk to becoming a happier me. If that means leaving things behind, than so be it. If that means feeling uncomfortable for a little bit, than so be it. Because I have to trust that when I get to that change...it will be so worth it.

I hope Im to that point soon. Because I dont want to play ping pong anymore.

Corktown St. Patrick 5K

Well I did it! I ran in my first race since my half marathon in 2008. And it felt great!!!! It was exactly what I needed :)

The weather all week was beautiful! Than the weekend came and the rain started. Bleh. The day of the race was exactly that. Cold, wet, and windy! All the elements you dont want. But I didnt let it stop me, I still headed downtown. I got there a little early so just chilled in my car for a bit. Entertained myself with some bejeweled blitz. Im so addicted to that! About 45 minutes before the race started I ventured out. I tried to find my friend, Lynette, but didnt have much luck.

When everyone started to line up it was a bit of a cluster. I ended up about 3/4 back which is a perfect spot for me. I bounced in spot for awhile as I froze my butt off. My hands were numb with gloves on! I started to get a little anxious for those 10 minutes before the race started. Next thing I knew we were off. It took me a few minutes to get across the start line....I think there was around 4000 runners/walkers. I got a little excited in the moment and started off to fast. I could feel it about a quarter mile in. Oops! I adjusted after that, and felt like I fell into a good stride. Shortly after that I really started to sweat it out. So I attempted to take off my jacket, but than realized my iphone was zipped in my coat pocket and it pulled out my head phones. I fought with my jacket for a bit and than gave in and just had one head phone in. lol Than I ran into quite a few walkers that must have started in the middle of the pack. That was a bit annoying because I had to stop and walk to get around them. I wish they would of stayed to the side. There were also a few people running with big dogs and really big strollers. So that was a bit of an obstacle to. I just weaved in and out where I could, but was careful of the uneven road. The last thing I needed was a sprained ankle!

I reached the halfway point at a pace that Ive been managing the last couple months, so was pretty happy with that, considering the weather conditions! When the buildings got sparse I could start to feel the wind more. Speaking of weather conditions, I than realized it wasn't raining anymore :) The turn around point was really small, it could only fit about 5 people wide, so it could a bit congested. Im not sure if it was the turn around or the runners though... After the turn around I just took everything in. The race, the people, the costumes, the crowd, the sights, the energy! I love running in races. I was getting a bit winded, and had a really bad side stitch, so focused a bit on my breathing for the last mile. I rounded the last corner with a second wind, and crossed the finish line around 34 minutes. I wanted to come in under 35 so was pretty excited :)

A few minutes later I ran into Grants coworker, so chatted with her a bit. Than grabbed some water, which was a short line since everyone was in line for a beer. Ha! I went back to wait for Lynette to come across the finish line. I saw her after the turn around so knew she wasnt that far behind me. Ended up that I missed her. LOL But we met up at the results board. I was so proud of her! It was her first 5k, and she did awesome!

I checked the board and my time was 31:17! I was ecstatic! Only 3o seconds away from a PR. Not bad at all. My best 5k pace this year! It felt great to be around other runners, and definitely has me motivated to keep running. Even with the love/hate relationship I have with running, the feeling after a race is all worth it! To be accomplishing things I never thought I could is priceless.

I think Ill sign up for my next race in April. Maybe find one on my birthday :)

Doubts

I will admit that I dont have much self confidence. Its something I have always struggled with. That is why I love running...it gives me confidence. I can remember specific moments after a race where I literally felt on top of the world. It didnt matter what time I ran in, or what place I came in....just completing the race was enough for me. The self growth is amazing. At times when I feel like Im in situations where maybe I dont have complete faith in myself..Ill go back to those running moments. And think damn girl, if you could do that...than this is a cake walk!

Now with all that being said, Im going through a running rut. Ive been through these before, so I know its not forever. But its giving me doubts. Im not that confident that Ill be ready for a half marathon by May. For the last week Ive struggled to get through a 5k. I am just getting over a cold and still trying to get completely healthy again...so maybe I should cut myself a little bit of slack. But it still has lots of doubts in my head. Like maybe I need to give myself a little bit more time. Or maybe I should just aim to run a 10k rather than a half marathon.

Its just that I have been consistently running 3-4 days a week for 2 months now...and I just feel like 3 miles shouldnt be a struggle for me at this point. It really doesnt feel like the lower miles are getting any easier..and my pace has actually slowed down. But than maybe Im just having a bad week. I remember my 4 miler a two weekends ago was awesome! I think another thing is Im no where near the pace I use to run. So maybe that is putting some fears in my head. Like when I run my next half marathon I will be disappointed if I dont at least run it in the pace I did my last one. Im always so competitive and self critical of myself.

Another thing is Im having more physical issues this time around. My knees are achy, swollen and need to be iced often. I think this has to do with the fact that I have 35lbs more weight than I did last time. I also keep getting all kinds of blisters. Which is annoying, and a little painful!

Ugh. What to do? What to do? Am I throwing the towel in to early?

Ill let you in on a little insecurity Im having. I was planning on running the Flying Pig in Cincinnati. My friend lives there so I would crash with her. Well shes running a marathon the weekend before, so she said she would love to come down with me and run a few miles of the pig with me. She is fast, like under 10 minute miles...where I can barely push out a 12 minute mile. That makes me feel so insecure! Not that she would even care...but that would be like a walk for her. Geez am I ridiculous or what?

I need to make a decision soon. Especially since the rates are going up on the Flying Pig. Im running a St. Pattys 5k...so maybe I should just stop stressing till than. Maybe running in a race will help me make a decision. Or better yet...push away those doubts and realize I can do whatever I put my mind to :)

Goodbye February, Hello March

February was a pretty decent month for me, but I am glad to see it go. Only because it takes us one month closer to Spring! Im so over this winter. While we havent seen the amount of snow the east coast has...its been enough for me. Warmer temps, sunshine, melted snow, no ice...sounds just about perfect to me!

So want to hear some results on my fantastic February? Of course you do! Now exercise wise I had a fabulous month! I ended up with 24 workouts! Can I get a Woot! Woot! Here is the breakdown:

Not to shabby. I died out the last week due to these nasty sinus infection Ive been fighting. I felt it hitting on Tuesday night and Wednesday and Thursday I was down for the count. Friday I tried to pull it out and felt decent, but Saturday and today I felt like absolute crap while running! Im hoping that this is the last of it. I feel better...but its all that phlegm that is keeping me down!

Now for weight and measurements. I took them this morning...so here is my 30 day update:

Weight: Down 4.5 lbs
Waist: Down 0.5 inch
Mid Belly: Down 2 inches (this is where most of my weight is)
Bust: Down 0.5 inch
Under Bust: Down 1 inch

Am I happy with this? Im always happy with a loss. But its a little frustrating. If I had a healthy thyroid I have no doubt the numbers would have been a bit higher. But slow and steady wins the race I suppose. I just have to keep at it, and stay consistent. Eventually Ill get where I want to be. Now that I feel comfortable with my workout schedule, I will try more this month to work on the diet aspect. It can always use some work!

I am very happy with the way I feel these days. I feel strong again, fit, and my moods have been great. That alone is such an amazing thing!

So lets see what March brings. I know a St. Pattys 5k is on the agenda :)

Its All About Finding Something You Love

And I LOVE cycling class!!!! I would always hear people say, when you find an exercise you really love, than working out will be fun! I use to think that was to good to be true. :p

Ive been dealing with some difficult times at work, that have resulted in my stress levels being out of control. Ive heard some rumors that the 5:30 cycling class is more intense than the 6:45 class I currently attend. I was a little intimidated to try it, but after one of my oh so stressful days at work I decided I needed to get my ass kicked. And that I did! I have now moved this class up as a high priority on my weekly workout schedule :) So much I even got up at 8am on Saturday to go to this instructors class! Now that is really out of character for me. Who is this girl? And what did you do with Melissa? LOL

I really felt like I was going to keel over in this workout. This class is a whole different ballgame than what Im use to! At one point I thought to myself..I may need to walk out! But I took it one song at a time, and tried to keep up with the resistance she had us at. As challenging as that was! Now I may not as been as fast as everyone, but I did what I could. Definitely an A for effort, IMO! No worries though, Ill get there someday. We all need goals to strive for ;) I LOVED her song selections to. It really helps you get into the workout. The best part of the workout was the very end...right when I felt like I didnt have anything left in me. We were doing sprints to the song, Best of You by the Foo Fighters. This song was perfect for the work day I had. I closed my eyes, and just let the music sprint me away.





Dont you love moments like that? Its like that moment is just speaking to you and helping you push through one of the million things clouding up your head!

I really like the way she runs her class to. She pushes us with the moves rather than screaming in her headset. There would be a few times she would vocally push us but it always felt like it was right at the moment I needed it. I really prefer that. I hate being screamed at...it pierces my ears!

Im so excited, and looking forward to each class. I love being pushed to my limits, and have fun while doing it! I didnt think I would ever say that! Im loving the growth and changes Im making. LOVING IT!

Happy Valentines Day!

My day started off wonderful. I slept a good 10 hours! Grant got up with the dogs, and I got a few extra hours of beauty sleep. I guess I got my Valentines wish eh? LOL

We than exchanged our first Husband and Wife Valentines Day Cards. Awww, I love my husband. He picks out the sweetest, most perfect cards ever! Married life is wonderful!

Grant went to run some errands, so I went and got my run out of the way. Today on the training plan was 4 miles. I was a little worried about how the run would go because of how bad my knees have been aching. But I wore some nice cushion socks, and took my pace down a bit. Not the best time, but Im not so worried about time right now. More like just getting through the runs! My first week of half marathon training went pretty good. It feels great to be in a routine again. Something about training for an event really changes your outlooks on your workouts. I know there were a few days when I would of skipped the workout...but since Im training now it wasnt even a possibility to me. I cant believe Im in training again...and that Im going to run a half again. Exciting, and nerve wrecking at the same time! When I got back home I decided I would head out to the grocery store and pick up something to make for desert. Grant is cooking dinner and its half a surprise. So I wanted to make our desert a surprise to. We thought we would see if there was a movie we could rent while out, so stopped at the video store. But there wasnt anything we saw at the video store, so decided to come home and download a few episodes of Big Love. We only got through one episode since we lost track of time...so looking forward to catching up on more Big Love this week! Grant was on dinner duty, and boy did he bring it! I think he really outdid himself this time. It was absolutely delicious. We had steaks, redskin mashed potatoes, green beans w/ ham and garlic, and a very yummie arugla salad.
See Bandito trying to get my meal? Sneaky bastard! My belly is VERY full! Will we have room for my desert? Im sure we can make room for a small piece. I made peanut butter cheesecake...hope it turned out good!

Our first married Valentines has been fabulous! I hope your enjoying yours as well!

Happy Valentines Day!

Widgets Galore!

After Meg's suggestion on tracking my workouts on my blog, I decided to revisit a site where I use to do just that. I was pleasantly surprised by the makeover that daily mile had! Although I can say I enjoyed the site before the upgrades, and now its just an extra bonus!

When I started using the Run Keeper App on my phone I didnt really need to use daily mile anymore. So I thought. The run keeper can track runs and walks, but it didnt track other types of exercise. So I think Ill use both :) I added the "workouts", widget. This shows my latest workout, miles ran this week, and total miles ran. I wish I could start the counter back to zero for total miles ran. Id prefer to just track this year. But to do that I think I would have to delete my previous workouts, which I dont want to do. I did add a section to track my miles ran this year, along with my PR's. I started the yearly count from when I started using the run keeper app, which was mid January. I think most workouts done before that were just a mile here or there anyways. I figure losing 2 weeks in January isnt that many lost miles anyways. ;-) Guess this is where I learn my lesson of why I should of kept up with daily mile. LOL

There was this widget on daily mile that had a countdown to your race, but its in blue and I couldnt get the color changed..or get it to fit right on my blog. So I used the race schedule widget instead. Than I added a countdown, so two widgets in the place of what the one widget did. Im not to crazy about the orange on the daily mile widgets...but I cant change the color. And I need to stop being so anal. LOL

Than the most fun widget...the donut meter! Daily mile tracks the calories I burn, and it shows how many donuts Ive earned, or could of burned off with those calories! Love it!

Dont you just love widgets? I know I can be such a dork.

Hello Weekend!!!

The weekend is upon us again. Can I get a woooohooo?! Getting through the work week is always a challenge for me these days. So I fully embrace my weekends :) Even if its sitting in my recliner watching TV. Anything is better than being at my job these days!

Ive been really exhausted this week so thought maybe I would come home and take a nap. By the time Grant got home from work I could get a 1.5 hour nap in, and still get some stuff done. Well that didnt work out as planned. But does it ever? I started doing some things around the house, and before I knew it Grant was home. So much for that nap!

We were planning on going out tonight so I had to speed things up. I had to get my run in, stopped by the grocery store, and cook up some chili and corn muffins...all before going out! Phew! Never time to rest eh? My run was meh. I really need new shoes. I can feel it in my knees. I wont be able to get any for another week so wondering what I should do. I really dont know if my knees can handle another 3-4 mile run in these shoes. They are shot! When I got home I tried to multitask by watching Opening Ceremonies and cook up this chili, but it just seemed to take twice as long. So I had to DVR it, and am now catching up on Opening Ceremonies as I blog :) Always a multitasker. LOL

My chili doesnt look very chili like. Its for a soup kitchen that Im volunteering at tomorrow. Hopefully no one tells me its nasty...that would be a little embarrassing. I made corn muffins to...and I hope they are cooked all the way through. I couldnt really tell.....as you can Im a horrible cook. I really could use some lessons...I should look into that one day.

I feel so domesticated tonight! I cleaned the living room, vacuumed, got two loads of laundry done, dishes done, chili cooked, corn muffins baked, and even squeezed in a workout! I will admit Im exhausted now. I dont think I would of made it very long if we went out...and our friend called us to tell us it was cancelled anyways. They double booked the bar. Looks like Ill get to bed at a decent hour. Grant already fell asleep on the couch...does this mean he will get up with the dogs like he did last weekend? That was like heaven last weekend. I think it would be the best Valentines present ever this weekend...hint! hint! LOL

Happy Weekend Bloggers!

Going Strong

Despite feeling a little off physically this week, Im still going strong! I usually can tell when my thyroid level is low, and usually Ill just sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. But Ive decided to do just the opposite. Regardless of how tired or exhausted I am, I still am trying to stick to my workout plan. So far, so good. Im right on schedule.

It feels good to be on a regular active schedule. Not only does it help my moods and release stress, but I can feel myself getting more fit. Sure not every workout feels top notch, but every workout gives me more confidence! Im half looking at myself in the mirror these days. :) Im experiencing, one again, the ups and downs of workouts. I love that great workout where I feel I can conquer the world. And those struggling workouts are just as great to. When I push through those barriers, I again feel on top of the world. My run today was like that. My legs have been achy, especially my knees. And it felt like I could feel every step through my entire body. When I got to 2 miles I just didnt know how Id make it another mile. Than the music carried me through once again. I was listening to some techno, Beckers and Hatfield....a track called Excuses (Weekend Heros Remix), and it just picked me up.




Techno never lets me down! Seriously its like it knew I needed to hear it at that point. A light bulb clicked, and I picked up the pace. At one point I wanted to just start pumping my fists in the air. Ahhh, dont you just love music?! It got me through that last mile...and I felt fanfuckingtastic when I was done. Now Im really exhausted...guess who will be getting a good nights sleep tonight?! Im sure Ill sleep like a baby :)

Weigh in was yesterday, and I was down 1.5 lbs. Not to shabby. I was happy to see a loss, after last weeks weigh in.

But still only 1.5 lbs in two weeks isnt anything to scream off the top of the mountain. My food needs some serious improvement. That combined with my workouts...I could seem some great results! I need to get a plan in place to work on that....

Well thats all she wrote folks. Time for bed.

Mind Over Matter

Running that is. I would say that after you get a base of a 3 mile run going...it truly is a game of mind over matter.

Today I had my last "practice run". Ive been working on building up a base so I could jump into my half marathon training. The first week of the training plan has me running 2 as my shortest run, and 4 as my longest. Ive worked myself up to 3 miles, and running 3 times a week. So I think Im ready to start the training program. EEK!

So today I decided you better take it outside girl. You cant train every run on a treadmill so get use to the freezing temps now! The sun was shining, and when I was outside earlier in the day it felt decent out. So I layered up and headed to my running spot, a bike path about 10 minutes from my house. Its the safest spot for me. When I started my warm up I thought...hot damn its a lot colder than I thought it was! My lungs felt like they were frozen there for a little bit. After I got into my groove, my body warmed up, and my breathing fell into place. I set my runkeeper app for 3.5 miles. (Which by the way..this app rocks!) Jumping from 3 to 4 miles next week seems scary to me, so I thought Id go half way to see how it felt. It was hard. Just an extra half mile was a lot hard than I thought. When it was time to stop I was SOOO ready to stop. Heres where the mind over matter thing comes into play. If I HAD to go another half mile...I probably could have. I would of just kept the mind games going that I always have. It goes something like this:

Just run to the tree. That was to easy...how about that bench? Damn girl....I bet you cant make it to that building? Look your half way around now. And you thought you werent a runner? You are making Forest Gump look like a chump now! Than the runkeeper lady would update me on where I was...and Id start the game over. You only have .60 miles left...that means you ran almost 2 miles. Piece of cake...oh wait cake...you cant have a piece unless you go all the way girl!

LOL. Does anyone else do this? Whatever works right? :)

Sometimes I also like to visualize myself to. Running the last mile of a race. My dad cheering me at the finish line. Or someone Im not to fond of is running up ahead, and I pass them. LOL

Mind over matter, people. Mind over matter.

And when your done...your like damn that felt good. That is one of the reasons I love running. I can reach strides I didnt think I could. And when I do reach that stride...the confidence soars.

Running is good for the body and the soul. The End.

Hell Yeah!

To say Im excited is an understatement. Im flipping ecstatic!!!! I love Ben Sims. Usually hes here around the time of DEMF, Detroit Electronic Music Festival. He always plays at after parties and goes on at like 4 or 5 am. Well Grant and I can never make it that late so always miss him.

So its on this time :) Can.Not.Wait!

Can I Have A Do-Over?

Ever have one of those days when you wish you could just go back to bed? Its like a snowball effect...and you think what else?! Please stop! That was the kind of day I had. Damn I hate those days.

This picture is perfect. And it made me laugh, which is a good thing after the day I had!

Lets just rehash my day and see how bad it really is. Or lets just get it out so I can move forward. Whatever makes me sleep better at night, eh? I went to bed at a decent time last night...right around 9:30. So that gives me a good 8 hours of sleep. Well I woke up around 5, and had to pee really bad, so got up to take care of that. And of course had an hour till I had to get up, so by the time I fell asleep I had to get right back up. I think that screwed with me. See with my thyroid issues...I need a minimum of 8 hours of sleep or its hard to function. I got up around 6:15, and started my morning ritual. Prepare the dogs food, shower, flat iron my hair....and I was dragging butt. While flat ironing my hair I burned my finger..twice. I clamped my whole hand actually. Lovely.

Next up was the scale. Dun Dun Dun. It is weigh in day for my Biggest Loser Challenge. I was a little anxious about this weigh in. I was afraid the drinking I had done over the weekend might deter my weigh in..but I really pushed it out the last few days. Sadly, it wasn't enough.

I had a 2lb gain, which takes me back to square one. VERY disappointing, and put me in a foul mood. I know Im having a few mishaps here and there. But my workouts are really being pushed....and its frustrating. If I had a normal working thyroid Im almost sure Id drop weight.

The next few events happened once I got to work. I started to put my things up, change out of my boots and realized that I had Grants debit card in my purse. DAMN IT! I call him and sure enough he doesnt have any cash on him. So I had to head out to meet him. The drive there wasnt to bad actually...given it was middle of rush hour. The drive back was horrid. HORRID! So it took me twice as long to get back. By the time I got to work it was 8:30...an hour and a half after I usually get there. I would be there so late which really annoyed me. What can you do?

I continued on with my workday, and soon realized that one of the hems in my pant leg came unraveled. Lovely one leg was now longer than the other. UGH! Seriously? Everyone and anyone at work really just got under my skin from that point on. Especially one coworker who keeps asking me how to do the same thing day in and day out. Around lunchtime I decided it was time to call it a day. I took a half day. On the way home I just kept replaying how crappy my day was, and decided eating would only make me feel better. Im not losing weight anyways, so whats it matter? So I stopped at Qdoba and got my 1000+ calorie chicken nachos, with a big Coke.

The only happy part of my day was coming home to my furbabies, eating my chicken nachos, and watching Biggest Loser. How ironic to be stuffing my face while watching a weight loss show? Can we say pitiful? Did I feel better? For about 10 minutes. Than the stomach ache started. It felt like I had a ton of bricks in my stomach? So than I felt like crap again. Not just physically, but mentally. Why do I do this? Why do I let food comfort me, when that comfort is oh so short? I know better than this! The best thing would have been to go to the gym!

So the rest of the day/night I just lounged around feeling sorry for myself. Im so lame.

And on that note..tomorrow is a new day. I will make it better than my last.

Reaching For The Stars

Last night I was searching the interweb for info on Jillian Michaels book, Master Your Metabolism. Someone recently told me she suffered from hypothyroid. I am intrigued.

For the record, I heart Jillian Michaels. <3

I found quite a few reviews on the book, and they all had one thing in common. This book is a must read! Some even said its one of the best health books out there. This is Jillians way of getting out what worked best for her, and if I ever get to that point I think I would want to do the same thing! Im open to reading about anyone with thyroid disease. And it really feels like you have to listen to all the stories out there! Hypothyroidism is such a perplexed disease. Its safe to say that a treatment that works for one person, doesnt always work for the next. Nonetheless, what works for one person could be a step into the right direction to your own healthy being. It can never hurt to try new things to help with your own thyroid disease! Im really interested in hearing her thoughts on hormonal imbalance. This is the part that endocrinologists dont really touch on (at least all the ones Ive been to). And its such a huge part of hypothyroidism, and definitely makes my own journey very complex.

When reading this interview with Jillian Michaels, I had a wonderful aha! moment. I love when I have those! I found this interview in Health magazine's, November issue. This is the question/answer that stuck out to me:

Q: In terms of our fitness efforts, where do we go wrong?

A: We sell ourselves short when it comes to capability and potential. We read on the treadmill. We walk. People will be like, “I’ve been walking.” And I’m like, “Really? Really?” [Laughs.] “OK, you walked to the car, and then to the door at the mall, and then you took the stairs, too? Come on, man.”

If I can take a 66-year-old man and train him six hours a day, six days a week, you can do more than just take the stairs! People have no concept of what the human body is really designed to do. They have no concept of their strength! And they function in a zone that is well below what their potential really is.

This is so true. Ive been at the gym so many times, jump on a piece of equipment for 30 minutes and pat myself on the back like I just completed a marathon. And was that 30 minutes everything I could give it? Was it high intensity? Or was it just a leisure workout? More than likely it was somewhere around leisurely. I am selling myself short. I am not reaching my FULL potential. I'm only cheating myself! (As you can tell Jillian is in my head. ha!)

Go big or go home, right?

I have the odds against me with my thyroid disease in the first place, so yes sir I need to go BIG! Im putting in the time for the workout, so why not push myself to get the most out of my workout? Seems like common sense doesnt it? Than why do we so often NOT do it? Because we think we can't do it? Or maybe because we think simply working out is an accomplishment by itself. But who wants to be mediocre? Not me! Making strides in my workouts gives me confidence. I know this from experience. And I want that feeling back again!

With all that being said, today (dont you love first day of the months?), was my first 60 minute cardio session. I did a 3 mile run and than jumped on the elliptical for 15 minutes. During my run I got all the way up to 5.7mph! Lately Im lucky if I get up to 5 mph. I just kept pushing myself and it felt great! And guess what? I didnt die. I didnt fly off the treadmill. I adapted to it. Amazing what you can do when you just try!

So excited to see where I am at the end of this month!

Lazy Sunday

Its been one lazy Sunday. Although we are all allowed a lazy day here and there right? I probably take them more than I should though.

Yesterday I was super productive. Got all the house cleaning done, as well as the laundry. So really today all I had to do was get a workout in. So I worked on yet another blog design. I think I really like this one, lets see how long I keep it. :p

Last night we went out to the bar to hear some techno music. We brought a couple friends of ours that normally dont listen to techno. It made me happy since I try to get my non techno friends to come out with me once in awhile, and am usually unsuccessful. Its nice to take them to a piece of my world. :) And it appeared they had a good time. She did say it was fun, but not a fabulous time. LOL Ill take that! Derek Plasklaiko did tear it up last night. Loved it! I drank regular beer last night....which probably wasnt a good idea. I hope it doesnt derail my weigh in this week. Today I ate unhealthy and drank way to much pop to. Im realizing that when I make one bad choice, there are many more bad choices that follow. So I have this bad feeling Ill have a gain this week. I had fun though, so if I do have a gain Ill just work harder on next weeks weigh in. Finally, after a very long day in my recliner I got up and did the 30 day shred. Thats whats so great about that workout, its 20 minutes...so really there is no excuse why you cant squeeze it in. As usual, I felt much better after I did it. :) And Im right on track with my exercise goal for the week. YAY!

Just watching the Grammys now. Its a decent show this year. Ill probably stay up to catch the MJ tribute. But than to bed..because its past my bedtime. lol Watching the Grammy's is not making me think about my normal Sunday blues. Thinking about going into a job that I dislike so much, for another long week. Ahhh yes, the Sunday blues. They get me every week.

But something exciting is happening this week! Ingrid Michaelson's tour dates are being announced!!!! I hope Detroit is on the tour!!!!! Something to look forward to this week :)

Wow, if this isnt a complete babbling post...I dont know what is! LOL

Days With My Father

I was watching the news tonight and there was an interview with this photographer, Phillip Toledano. He has created an amazing project, Days With My Father. Phillip's mother suddenly passed away, and he began taking care of his 98 year old father who suffered from Dementia. He has created a photo journal of the last days with his father. I can only imagine how hard this was to do, and have so much admiration for Phillip to have completed this project. I can imagine what this did for him personally, and also how this touched so many other people.

As I watched this slide show I went through a whirlwind emotions. I cried, a lot. And they were hard cries...where my eyes were so filled with so many tears that the computer screen got blurry. Shortly after that I would find myself laughing. There are some hilarious stories in this project...some that remind me of my own father :) And than of course more crying, with large waves of sadness. Through those tears I would find a smile creeping out as well. It really was a emotional roller coaster. The connection between the father and son in these pictures is so hard to put into words. I could say strong, but it was so much more. You could just feel all the emotions the father and the son went through in each picture. Simply amazing.

It obviously made me think of my own relationship with my dad, and even my grandpa. What strong aspects there were, and also what the relationship lacked that I wish I could of made stronger. Lots of emotions were brought up and Im thankful that they were released. This project helped me have a nice cleanse of tears. I could feel emotions lingering lately, but I kept fighting them. Something I probably do more than Id like. It also made me reflect on my own life. Where Ive been, where Im at now, and where I want to be. Amazing how a project of images and words can touch you in ways you never imagined. Thank you Phillip Toledano for being so vulnerable and strong to make a project like this. You have touched a special part in my heart, and helped in my own healing process. For that I will be forever grateful!

Here is a quote from Phillip himself about the project:

“When I was taking pictures of my father, I felt like someone drinking deeply from the well for a last time, before setting out on a long journey alone. I wanted to remember as much as possible. To see as much as I could, to remember smells, conversations, the light on my father’s face when he smiled, when he was angry. It was very strange, spending time with someone I knew would die soon (we both knew, and where both waiting for it). I did the project never thinking it would speak to other people. It’s funny, now, in retrospect, that something I thought was so personal is so universal. A big part of the project now has been the reaction from others. It’s incredible getting emails from people who want to reconnect with their estranged fathers, after looking at the work. Or from families, who’ve looked at the photos together. I have to say, it’s been an honor to help people.”

I encourage all of you to take a few minutes and check this out. Make sure you grab a tissue though!

http://www.dayswithmyfather.com

Another Pound Gone!

Weigh In day is here again...how fast you came! And Im happy to announce I have another pound gone. Slow and steady wins the race I suppose :)


I felt really strong with my workouts this week. I actually completed five days! Cycling, Running, and the 30 Day Shred. One day I even squeezed in two workouts. I forgot how much I love cycling class. It really has put a fire in me again. And I just saw that they added a Saturday and Sunday class. Another reason to not drink on the weekends, and get my ass out of bed early! Now as far as the eating...I need some help there. My soda intake is out of control. I need to eat more fruits and veggies. And fast food should NEVER be an option. So as you can tell my goals didnt work so well with me. Lets reflect shall we?

Last Week Goals:

• Only one 20 ounce pop every other day - I did good for about 2 days, than had at least 20 ounce per day
• Exercise 4 days - SUCCEEDED! Worked out 5 days!
• Eat a fruit/vegetable with every meal - I maybe ate 1 a day - its a start I suppose
• NO fast food (embarrassing that I even have to type this) - Failed 2 times

So...yeah. I was lucky to lose 1 pound! I have my mojo going with my workouts, so now time to add in another healthy goal. I really want to kick this soda habit. So I need to ponder on another way I can do this. I did buy milk this week. I usually drink pop with my dinner, so now Ive decided to try to drink milk with dinner instead. We shall see how that works out. Im going to focus only on two goals this week, and if I succeed than we will add a third next week.

This weeks goals:

• Exercise: 4 days of cardio, 3 days of strength, 1 day of Yoga
• Whenever I want to drink soda, I will drink milk instead

Okay, no excuses. I should meet both those goals! Im putting all this work into my workouts...why do I want to sabotage myself by eating so unhealthy? Seems like such a dumb thing to do, right? And Im not dummy...so enough is enough! :p

Oh, and a bonus motivator is coming my way. There is a department weight loss challenge going on at work. Basically we just weigh in on Tuesdays at work, but its the honor system. We dont have to share our weights..just the percentage we lost. And we can chose to go into the, "Gamble To Lose" program. We pitch in $10 in scratch off tickets, and if we maintain or lose we dont do anything else. But if we gain than we have to add in $1 scratch off card for that week. At the end of 8 weeks the top 2 losers when the scratch offs. I love scratch offs! And lets be honest...a lot of things dont really motivate me. Ive done biggest loser challenges before, where everyone knew my weight. I still at times couldnt find the inspiration or motivation to do what I needed to do. Instead I showed my gains, almost not even ashamed at times! Sad, isnt it? But something about doing this at work, around coworkers, who see you in the cafeteria eating breakfast and lunch. Now that SCREAMS motivation to me! LOL

So BRING IT ON! :p

Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone - Trance Dance

Just as I have started on this journey of me - I got an email from my friend, Fran. Fran inspires me. She always gets me to try new things, and just step outside my comfort zone. I love that about her!

When I got an email from her that had the title, Trance Dance, I thought to myself...oh boy, what could this be about! Now most people who know me know that I dislike Trance music, very much. I opened up the email and found something completely different than I thought. It is a type of moving mediation that is done blind folded. A friend of Fran's, Adele, has this friend that is a facilitator. She was having a free session at her house for 10 people. I was really intrigued so I RSVP'd, and looked into it a bit further on the Internet. I LOVED everything I read. It was something I was looking for to come out of my comfort zone, as well as connect with myself in a way I havent done in a long time.

Just to give a little bit more info about Trance Dance, I have copied this info from their website. Rather than me try to explain it and get half the point across. :p

TranceDance is a unique blend of body movement, healing sounds, dynamic percussive rhythms, transformational breathing techniques and the innovative use of a blindfold or bandanna - together stimulating a 'trance' state that promotes spiritual awakenings, mental clarity, physical stamina and emotional well-being. Driven by unique musical soundtracks recorded specifically for this method of healing, Trance Dance takes participants on an 'inner journey' not limited to our normal perceptions of space/time. Ritual trance journeys have been a vital part of shamanic and eastern dance cultures for thousands of years. Our contemporary approach to Trance Dance brings together the richness of these ancient rituals with some startlingly effective modern techniques.

TranceDance's primary focus is on healing and spiritual evolution. By dancing within the seclusion of darkness participants discover parallel realities where solutions to seemingly unsolvable problems are possible. Through Trance Dance we `disappear', becoming more like spirit, and simultaneously less attached to life's ordinary difficulties, making it possible at these moments to let these problems go.

When we arrived at the facilitator, Deb's, house the mood was already set. There was dimmed lights, candles lit, fire place going, music playing, and incense burning. Her living room was clear of furniture, with a wood floor. Getting even more intrigued! There were 6 of us that attended, which seemed to be a perfect number of people for the size room we had. We all gathered in a circle on the floor while Deb went over some key things about the Trance Dance. She had gone on a 10 day retreat in Guatemala where she was trained to be a facilitator. It sounded like an amazing experience! Some key things she had said, was that you may feel like you are fighting it. Dont. Just let the fear go, and go with it. She said that everyones journey would be different, and some people may get emotional. Its okay. And there is no right or wrong way to do this, everyones journey will be different and its always the right way.

The Trance Dance was a 90 minute session. When I heard this I thought, wow we are going to be standing/dancing for 90 minutes. I wonder if I can mediate for this long. Honestly I wondered if I would even dance. So I put my blind fold on, and kept an open mind. The music was BEAUTIFUL. All kinds of different music. Lots of tribal with flutes, percussion, and jazz even thrown in at times. There would be singing at times, usually not in english. I just tried to stop thinking about what was going on, and mediate. I think it was probably the 3rd or 4th song in all of a sudden I felt like someone as pushing on my hip. Like getting it to move. And I just went with it. Next thing I knew my body was just moving. Not in a way that I usually dance though. It was so weird but awesome at the same time!

Another thing I noticed was that whole thing Deb had said about fighting it. She said to ask yourself why your resisting. The feeling felt like it was being stopped in the middle of my chest. Like there was something stopping it from going through my whole body. It almost felt like a panic attack. I just took a few deep breaths, and let it go. Towards the end of the dance I was really fatigued. My legs were like jello, and my body was just heavy. I wanted to sit down but thought someone might trip over me.

The dance ends with 3 minutes of the om chant. We all sat down during that and took off our blindfolds when we were ready. We all than sat in a circle again and shared our experiences. Some of the girls had some really amazing stories. How they had such an emotional connection during the Trance Dance. And how it brought them clarity to things going on in their life. And one girl even talked about how she got so angry at one point, but just worked through it. How amazing does this all sound?

It was a really interesting experience for me, but I didnt really experience a spiritual aspect...or emotional. But I think I probably did, but I just didnt know how to connect the physical feeling, with the mental/emotional feeling. Like that how thing where I needed to take deep breaths....there probably was some emotional connection but I couldnt connect them. Maybe because I dont mediate often? Maybe because I was resisting? Maybe because Im not ready? Who knows. I do know it was a pretty amazing journey, and something I definitely would want to do again. We had talked about as a group of doing this once a month, or every other month. I think I want to be part of that so I can learn more things about me. Im sure every journey is different. During some of the dancing that I did...I thought to myself I probably look like an idiot but this just feels right, and feels GOOD! I loved that feeling. Its not something I feel very often.

I cant wait to share my experience with my therapist. She highly recommends music therapy, especially drum circles..which is another experience I want to have! So maybe she can give me a little more insight on my experience.

I LOVE trying new things like this. While stepping outside of my comfort zone is scary, it is also exhilarating. I need to do it more often! Growth is such an amazing thing...I seem to forget that since its been so long since Ive felt it!

The Year Of Me

When I was in therapy last week I was letting every emotion out. I felt like I was reaching a pretty low point. And just overwhelmed with life. I sort of talked a bit about this a few posts ago...

Well one thing that really got me down is I had to drop my classes this semester so we would have the extra money for all of Vinyls vet appointments. Ive finally registered for this interior design class, and was really looking forward to it. It was the one thing I was holding on to that I thought would bring some joy into my life. Don't get me wrong, there are many things great about my life....Grant, the dogs, etc. But I really needed something to help me personally. To light that fire in me again. So I was really looking forward to this. My therapist, being the smart woman she is, reassured me. She told me its okay you can take it next semester. For now you can just focus on you. On getting your health back on track, finding a new job, and just working on making you a happy, healthier person.

What a great concept, dont you think? How come it takes someone to say it to me to realize it than. LOL So since that session I have just gone with that idea. I asked her for some ideas for stress relief and she threw some great ones out there. First of all I have really made a commitment to myself to seeing this exercise and healthy eating thing through. Im sure it wont be all rainbows everyday, but Im going to enjoy the journey. Ive started looking at different classes or lectures that I could take, and found some great ones on mediation, goal setting, etc. I also decided to really seek out a grief support group. I found a 8 week series workshop, From Grief to New Hope, that starts in March. Im anxious about that one, but know it will be comforting to meet people who are going through what Im going through. Even if it is 2 years later. Im really putting myself first for once. Working on me. Because I deserve it.

Can this finally be the year of Melissa? As cliche as it sounds....Im in control of my own destiny. So it sure could be my year. Ive realized how unhappy I am, and how that reflects on different events in my life. I wish I was just more secure and happy with myself during my wedding. So I could of really embraced the whole process. I did enjoy it, but it could of been even better if I was in the right state of mind. I cant change the past, so all I can do is make improvements for the future!

I see some stepping outside my comfort zone in the future.....

Biggest Loser Weigh In 2

Today was our Biggest Loser Challenge weigh in.....and Im happy to say I took a 1 pound loss. Yay!


Last night when I was at cycling class I felt like I was doing a last chance workout. LOL Something about getting in a great workout the night before a weigh in....and something about all the calories you burn in cycling class!

Ill be honest, I thought maybe I would see a bigger loss, and than I reflected back on my week. I had quite a few ups and downs. A few really bad meals and way to much pop. I did workout more times this week than I have in a while. Two days I jogged, one day of 20 minute shred, and a cycling class. Normally I might get one day of the shred in. Sad, isnt it? I will say that my recent health problems of migraines and nausea can really put a damper on my workouts. Not that Im trying to make excuses, but somedays I cant work through it. :( I also was pretty good at staying within my calorie range...now if those calories were healthy or not is another story. Ive been using the Lose It App, and it calculated 1700 calories a week will bring me in at around a 1 pound loss a week. The 2 pound loss had a 1500 calorie limit which felt to low right away. I sort of even felt hungry at 1700 calories. So Ill have to play around with my calorie range, as well as the foods Im eating. Im sure if I ate foods that filled me up more, than I wouldnt be so hungry at this calorie limit.

I think setting goals is a good start. So here is my goals for this week:

• Only one 20 ounce pop every other day
• Exercise 4 days
  
• Eat a fruit/vegetable with every meal
  
• NO fast food (embarrassing that I even have to type this)
  

That seems very doable. Heres to a better week, and another loss!