Fall Has Arrived....

and it feels great. The crisp air, the beautiful color of the leaves, warm sweaters, cider mills, pumpkins, Halloween...I love it all! I really love fall and just wish it would last a little longer. It feels like it kinda blows through so fast. Like the Tasmanian devil. Its like you get comfortable with it, and than winter sneaks up on you. I plan to embrace fall with open arms this time around. I have some downtime to really enjoy it. I cant wait to get out and jog in the cooler weather, and just enjoy nature. And overload on cider mills this year. It will be Rusty's first time at the Cider Mill :) Hes in for a treat! Fall also brings two very important dates. Grant and my anniversary, and Grants birthday. Oh and we cant forget Banditos birthday to! Its going to be a lovely month :)

With summer winding down behind us, and Fall right upon us...its like new beginnings. I love that about new seasons. Its like fresh start. New Chapter, new adventures. The summer wasnt my greatest time, so I hope to have a much better fall. Enjoy the season and try to do some healing, and work on some personal mini goals.

Heres to ending this not so great year, on a happier note.

Being a victim of sexual abuse...

really sucks. I know that I am in control now and I guess at some point need to stop feeling like a victim and take control of my life. Its hard. Ive just come to terms with being sexually abused. As in the last year.

Grant and I have been going to a sex therapist to help work through this issue. To help me heal, and help Grant and I grow together. We have taken a hiatus from our sex therapist, so I can attend individual therapy. So things have gotten off track in the intimacy area. I also have felt so numb from my dads passing, that Ive sort of put this issue on the back burner. Well things have started to surface again, and I feel like we are back at square one. We have to go back to the basics. Go back to doing our homework. We got off track. And that is okay. We know what we need to do, and Grant is so understanding about things. Im lucky to have him as my partner. I just get so sad, angry, and mad that I cant enjoy making love to my partner. I want to. I want to make love to him. Without these flashbacks in my head. I want to feel that passion. I worry how this affects Grant. His needs, his feelings, his self esteem. He doesnt deserve this. But he is understanding, which is amazing to me. I am truly lucky to spend the rest of my life with such an incredible man.

Just a few short months ago we were making great progress. I was enjoying intimacy without being wasted. Something I never was able to do my entire life. And now we are back at square one. Its sucks. Its another thing right now that is breaking me down. Another thing that makes me feel like Im never going to be okay.

But in the end I will be okay. We will get back on track. And we will get past this, and have a healthy intimate relationship.Together we can do this. Baby steps, just like everything else.

Getting Handsomized

So Rusty is the newest member of our family. He was my parents dog, but my mom surrendered him after my dad died. Its a long drawn out story that Ill leave for another time because it really puts me in a foul mood when I think about it. The good part is that I did get to rescue him for the second time from the Humane Society since he was in a holding period when I found out she surrendered him. They gladly let me adopt him for a hefty fee. He really has found a nice place in our family. The adjustment period was a lot shorter than I thought it would be, and its like hes been here all along :)

Well he was looking pretty shabby. So we decided to go get him groomed. We found this place right by the house that got great reviews online. Shears Delight in Warren. They have been in business for 17 years, and I really did love the groomers there. As they loved Rusty. He gave them unlimited kisses while they groomed him. Now that is an awesome job, doggie kisses all day? Where do I sign up? :)

So we did the typical King Charles haircut, and cleaned up his ears, tail, and feet. Flea bath, nails cut, the whole works. He feels so luxurious now, and they put these bows in. I caught a few pictures before he ripped them out. lol




Hes so fricken cute, dont you just want to snuggle with him? Speaking of snuggling, Grants out with a friend so time to go cuddle with the furbabies :)

This song helped me have a much needed cry today...

Be Ok...Ingrid Michaelson

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok

I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

CHORUS:
Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

I just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

CHORUS

Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok

Right around mid afternoon this huge grief came over me. I dont know where it came from, but it consumed me. I tried to sleep it off, and that didnt work. So I started on my to do list for the night. I was side tracked and couldnt concentrate, so I went and visited Ingrid Michaelson's website. I love her. And am excited to see her in concert in November. I wanted to listen to some of her music, and this happen to be the first song I heard. Its like she was singing to me. I sat here and cried, and cried some more. It was a good cry to let out. It needed to be let out. Its amazing what music does for people. How it touches you emotionally, and at times its the only thing that can give you comfort.

Than I was watching an episode of Dog, the bounty hunter. The episode was when Beth said goodbye to her dad and he died. I cried some more watching the last visit she had with him. My heart aches. I miss my dad so much. Im to young to lose him. I wanted more time with him. I needed more time with him.

Accepting the grief, not running from it. Keep moving forward....thats all I can do.

Pink For A Day - This story touched my heart

Pink for day: Red Arrows take aim at breast cancer

by Jane Bos |The Grand Rapids Press

Saturday September 13, 2008, 12:00 AM

LOWELL -- The skies above were gray, but below, everything was pink.

There were pink rain jackets and T-shirts, pink popcorn and programs, pink stickers and balloons, pink body paint and hair. Even the field goal pads and the words painted on the Lowell High School football field were pink.

Friday night, the Lowell Red Arrows became the Pink Arrows. And for one night -- their first home game of the season -- they took on visiting Holland, along with battling breast cancer.

The game began an hour before kickoff when, hand in hand, the Pink Arrows marched from the high school down to the field, wearing pink jerseys with the name of a cancer victim or survivor written on the back.

Senior co-captain Torsten Boss, an all-state utility player from a year ago, had Gregaitis across his back.

"Oh, just look at me, this is unbelievable," said Mary Gregaitis, 45, who has been cancer-free for two and a half years, pointing to her tears. "I cannot tell you what this means to me."

The Pink Arrow Project, organized by the Lowell football program, will help many deal with cancer. The program is expected to raise more than $100,000, coach Noel Dean said. And all the proceeds will stay in the community to help families deal with issues surrounding breast cancer and in the form of scholarships.

A third of the proceeds will go to the Lowell Community Wellness Organization to help local families touched by breast cancer find the resources to deal with the issues.

The rest of the money will be split between two scholarships -- one in the memory of longtime Lowell teacher Kathy Talus, who lost her battle with breast cancer four years ago. The other will honor longtime team doctor Dr. Donald Gerard to benefit Lowell graduates attending medical school.

"It's been pretty cool at school," said David Burnett, a junior wearing pink and watching Friday's game. "Almost everyone at school is doing this, and it's been a good thing."

Theres a video on the link below.

http://www.mlive.com/grpress/sports/index.ssf/2008/09/pink_for_day_red_arrows_take_a.html

I was in tears reading this. People do amazing things. Truly amazing things.

Cheesy Chick & Salsa Skillet

So Im really trying to make more of an effort to be a little more domestic. With that means cooking. I have never been much of a cook. When my mom remarried, we went out all the time. So we never had that mother/daughter experience of learning how to cook. So when I moved out I dabbled here and there, but mostly went out. And Grant is a good cook, so he would just cook.

Cooking at home means healthier eating, which is something I desperately need. Also means, saving money, another thing I need to be doing since we are saving up for a wedding. So I fell upon a recipe that caught my eye. I have to admit cooking is kind of relaxing, and rewarding at the same time. That is until my turnout doesnt taste to good, than thats another whole story. lol

Prep Time:
10 min

Total Time:
30 min

Makes:
4 servings, 2 cups each

What You Need:

2 cups multigrain penne pasta, uncooked

1 lb. boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite-size pieces

1-1/4 cups TACO BELL® HOME ORIGINALS® Thick 'N Chunky Salsa

1 cup frozen corn, thawed

1 large green pepper, cut into short thin strips

1 cup KRAFT 2% Milk Shredded Reduced Fat Four Cheese Mexican Style Cheese

Make It:

COOK pasta as directed on package.

MEANWHILE, heat large nonstick skillet sprayed with cooking spray on medium-high heat. Add chicken; cook and stir 2 min. Stir in salsa, corn and peppers. Bring to boil. Simmer on medium-low heat 10 min. or until chicken is cooked through, stirring occasionally.

DRAIN pasta. Add to chicken mixture; mix lightly. Sprinkle with cheese. Remove from heat; cover. Let stand 1 min. or until cheese is melted.

Nutrition Info per serving:

Calories 450

Total Fat 9 g

Saturated fat 4 g

Cholesterol 85 mg

Sodium 850 mg

Carbohydrate 49 g

Dietary fiber 6 g

Sugars 5 g

Protein 42 g

Vitamin A 15 %DV

Vitamin C 35 %DV

Calcium 45 %DV

Iron 15 %DV

The outcome, it was okay to me. It felt like to many noodles, to less sauce. But it was tasty enough to take for lunch tomorrow. Grant said it was delicious and went for seconds. So two thumbs up :)

Here we go....

So I had a blog that got flagged by blogger. This is the second blog that got flagged and locked within a few months. Nothing really pisses you off more than a locked blog. Where you think you may have lost everything you have blogged about for the last year. Or you really just need to get something out, and you cant because your blog is blocked! Thats why backing up your blog is sooo important! So why am I back? I thought I would try to go to wordpress. But honestly I dont really like their layout, and blogger is much more user friendly. Than I found these cute templates that can only be used on blogger, so here I find myself again. I have a weight loss blog on here anyways, so probably better to keep them together.

This blog is going to be about everything. Life, family, work, dogs, my lia sophia business, running, and whatever else suites my fancy :)