Could Iodine Be My Missing Link?

So Ive talked about many thyroid issues a few times in here. Its been an ongoing issue since 2006 when I was diagnosed with Graves disease. If I only knew what I know now....I would of never had the radioactive iodine treatment. But whats done is done. So I have been on the quest to feeling better since than. Its been a tough road and Im no where near feeling better.

Ive been on armour thyroid since March. Armour thyroid is a desiccated thyroid brand. It contains the same thyroid hormones as our bodies, and provides T4, T3, T2, T1 and calcitonin. The T4 is the storage hormone, T3 is the active, energy-giving hormone, and both are found in a 80/20 ratio in each 60 mg of desiccated thyroid. The T2, T1 and calcitonin are not measured, but it’s there, according to Forest Labs, the makers of Armour. Ive been on Armour since March. I felt a little bit of a change, and than right around Memorial Day I started to take a turn downwards again. Gaining more weight, dry skin, depression, fatigue, and muscle aches. I also started getting a really bad case of hives. And still do get the hives from time to time.

I was reading online that Armour has been reformulated, and lots of patients who never had problems on Armour before are having extreme issues. As I researched further I also read that some people were possibly allergic to the fillers which would explain my hives. I recently saw my endocrinologist and told him what I had found in my research and he blew me off. That was after waiting 2 hours in his office to see him. My TSH level was high so he increased my armour and told me to go see an allergist about the hives. He said to look on the bright side...at least my symptoms arent as worse than when I first came to see him. I just looked at him with a blank stare. The symptoms are worse. Ive never felt depression as bad as I feel it right now. It has to be related! I read about a woman online that was on steroids for the hives outbreak due to the armour, and than the steroids made her so depressed on top of the side effect of depression from the new forumulated Armour that she had to get put on antidepressants for that! Thats just insane!

Meanwhile I went to see my other doctor, hes a nutritionist and practices acupressure. I started seeing him about 2.5 months ago. This doctor listens to me. Explains things to me. And the things he says, make sense! He determined that my adrenals were in bad shape, so he has me on Drenamin and a B12 supplement. When I went in to see him shortly after my visit with my endocrinologist, I explained the same thing to him. How awful I felt, so out of control. And the research I found. He assured me Im definitely on to something. Than he brought up the subject of iodine. Ive read many books on taking iodine as a supplement, but had not found a doctor that agreed with me and would suggest a supplement. Basically your adrenal glands is a backup to your thyroid, so when you thyroid isnt working (like mine), than your adrenals go into overdrive. After working so much in overdrive they basically are way to exhausted to do what they are suppose to do. They still work but they are very weak.

Lets see if I can explain this right (with the help with some trusty websites of course ;)) .....he did acupressure around my thyroid and adrenals while laying down and they were somewhat strong. Than he had me stand up and jog in place for 5 minutes and than lay down and did acupressure again and it was completely weak. Since I have fatigued adrenals, doing any high intensity exercise is causing more stress on them. So I could be doing more harm to myself by running, cycling, kickboxing, etc. Which could explain why I can not lose weight. Its more recommended to do a brisk walk, yoga, and light strength training (not lifting more than 60 seconds and taking one minute rests in between sets). Im doing more research on this to find out what I should be doing....I dont want to try to take the easy way out.

Besides my adrenal fatigued, he also thinks I have a high iodine deficiency. These two things could be the missing links to our puzzle. Iodine is an essential element that enables the thyroid gland to produce thyroid hormones. Three iodine molecules are added to make T3 and four for T4... the two key hormones produced by the thyroid gland -- so iodine is essential to the production of these two hormones of the master gland of metabolism. One needs the proper amount of iodine for optimal thyroid function. Also, iodine is the main component of thyroxine, the thyroid component which controls metabolism. As metabolic rate controls the amount of "fuel" burned by the body for energy, iodine deficiency can result in a decreased metabolic rate, so we need to take an iodine supplement.

So now Im taking an iodine supplement as well. Ive only been taking it for a few days now, but I go back to see him next week. He said I should feel something by than. If not than we will see what else might be wrong. I love this doctor. I truly feel like he cares about how I feel, not what some test says. So now Im on a search for another new endocrinologist. No more 2 hours in the waiting room to see the doctor for 5 minutes. And than have him think its all in my head. Im over it! The more research I do the more these things seem to be right on. Im not getting to excited yet, but am remaining hopeful.

Credit to these awesome websites: www.thyroid.about.com & www.stopthethyroidmadness.com

Acceptance - HYC

So I have come to realize that in the next 3 months I am going to have to learn to accept myself physically for who I am right now. I truly believe that my health is holding me back from having the body I long to have. Although that does sound a little superficial. Its suppose to be about health first, right?

I have been working out for 4-6 days a week for the last month now. I have lost zero pounds. I have lost zero inches. My eating isnt perfect, but it isnt horrible either. For someone working out that much I would think that eating with a few mishaps would be okay. I have been seeing a holistic doctor in addition to my endocrinologist since the beginning of May. I know its a slow process to feeling better but Im not feeling any different. Im still exhausted. Im still fatigued. I simply can not lose any weight.

Do I feel more fit? Yes. Do I feel like Im getting stronger? Yes. So why cant I be happy with that? How come every time I see myself in pictures I get depressed? I avoid pictures at any cost. Which might be difficult to do on my wedding day.....

So I need to love myself. Inside and out. I know theres a 99% chance that I will have the body that I have now on my wedding day. While thats sad, its something I have to deal with. And not let it consume me. I have to accept it. I just keep remembering that first time I tried on my dress. I was maybe 10lbs lighter than I am now, but I can honestly say when I saw myself in the mirror I didnt see the image that I see in pictures now. I truly did feel beautiful. Ill pull out those pictures every now and than (ok maybe more than that. ;p) and I still feel beautiful. I should be happy with that. And I have to keep that in mind.

I need to turn my focus. Maybe focus on weight lifting a bit more. Buff up my arms, shoulder, and back. Accentuate the body parts that my beautiful dress shows off! It doesnt matter what size I am...it matters what the day is about. And that is marrying the man I love. And he has always loved me unconditionally, no matter what size I am. One of the many reasons I love him!

With all that being said, it still is difficult getting to that acceptance point. But I owe it to myself to get to that point!

Not At All What I Expected....

wedding planning. I went to a bridal shower yesterday. Ive been friends with this girl for a few years now, and Im really happy for the couple. They both are such great people. But going to the bridal shower feels like it wasnt the best choice for me right now.Than again its never the right time for me these days.

As I sat at the bridal shower and watched the interactions between everyone I felt a void. I don't have that. I dont have an excited family to plan with. I don't have a mother to help plan the most amazing day of my life. And I definitely don't have a father who gushes over walking his daughter down the isle. While I have many friends, I certainly dont have that best friend to vent to when I need to. It makes me very sad. I know I need to stop thinking of what I dont have and focus on what I do have. But its hard. Very hard.

Wedding planning has been a extreme emotional roller coaster ride for me. Im so excited and happy to be marrying the man I love so much. But maybe I was expecting I would feel differently. More happy. More excited. More positive. But its the opposite. I often feel sad. I avoid wedding planning as much as possible because its just not what I expected. I have 3.5 months till the wedding and have very limited things done. Anytime I start something I get sad.

Im so angry that my life is where it is right now. What did I do to deserve this? Why am I here? Why didnt I stick to eloping? Instead Im hosting events that I think are going to make me more sad than happy.

Is not at all what I expected. Not one bit. Its lonely. Very lonely.

Derailing Is Not Acceptable - HYC

So its weeks like this that could derail me. I'm very good at the derail game. All or nothing. I use to be good at letting derailing win...and now Im trying to focus on beating the derail.

First it started on Sunday. I slept in till noon from staying out late the night before, and than worked on homework literally the rest of the day. No run. I did go to the gym Monday but had the most crappy workout ever. Today I was blessed with my that dreaded friend of the month, and feel like complete crap. Cramps galore. Migraine Headache. Cravings like you wouldnt believe. I decided to take the day off. Took a nap when I got home, did some housework, and than watched some TV. Ill get back at things tomorrow. Normally this type of start to a week would lead me into a careless attitude. Not to mention Im pretty busy the rest of the week. Lia Sophia show on Thursday, Kid Rock concert on Friday, and a bridal shower on Saturday. Those would be GREAT excuses for me to not workout.

Nope we arent playing that game. I decided to take today off and today only. I can fit in workouts on those other days, except for maybe Thursday. Even than I can throw in a 20 minute Jillian workout, or go for a walk on my lunch break. Its doable, and I will make it work!

I also noticed that Im sort of making the same decisions with my food. I have been consistently working out for a few weeks now. So Ive been trying to pay attention to my food a little bit more. I try to at least make 2 out of 3 meals healthy ones. When Im picking out snacks I really think about them, and not grab for the sugar right away. We shall see how it plays out in a few weeks. All I can keep doing is moving forward and trying. Ill have bad days, but thats normal. Like today, I caved into PB twix and 2 Pepsis. But than I had a healthy dinner after that. Its all about choices. Not letting one bad move mess up the rest of the day.

Im just checking that fatitude at the door! Keeping a positive outlook, focusing on what I can do...not what I cant do, and seeing every "mistake" as an learning opportunity.

Lets see what this week shall bring :)

Operation Beautiful

I fell upon one of the most awesome sites while browsing blogs linked to blogs upon blogs the other day. Of course I have to share it!

Operation Beautiful - Ending Fat Talk One Anonymous Post-It At A Time!

We all do it. Fat Talk. Negative Talk. Get down on ourselves. Operation Beautiful has a mission of ending this negative talk by giving random acts of kindness. One of my favorite things to do!

The amazing person that started this wonderful venture is Caitlin. Her original mission was to put an end to Fat Talk, and encourage a positive body image. She has a whole page she blogged on how fat talk is so toxic to us, which can be found here. While starting this journey to end fat talk Caitlin fell upon the Gives Me Hope website. (Which by the way is another amazing website!And in my daily blogs to read :) ) It inspired her to start her own project which is where Operation Beautiful became a reality.

We can all join in on Operation Beautiful, it is very simple. You only need paper and pen. Just write a positive message on a post it and stick it in any public place you want. On bathroom mirrors, work, gym, grocery store, literally anywhere! Make sure you add the www.operationbeautiful.com at the bottom of your post it so even more people can find the website! If you take a picture of your random act of kindness, you can email it to Caitlin (seebriderun@gmail.com) and she features them on her blog. I religiously read the blog everyday now. Its the perfect way to start my day. :)

Seriously when I fell upon this I got the warm fuzzies inside. This reminds me of the Breast Cancer 3 Day. The 3 Day in my eyes is 3 days on how the world should be. The kindness, the huge hearts of people, the positivity, the support....its all so amazing. Big kudos to Caitlin for starting a project that screams so much positivity, and has endless opportunities in how it affects many people! I can not wait to start leaving my own notes and be part of such an amazing project!

One of my Ah-ha! Moments - HYC

So you know how you hear a saying a thousand times, but that one time you hear it it finally makes you go, Ah-ha! Dont you love those moments? I think you hear sayings over and over, and sometimes it just sounds like a broken record. You just dont see any meaning to it. But its that one specific time and place that makes that one saying speak to you in a totally different light. I had an ah-ha moment last week. It happened in cycling class.

I was a little nervous since I had not been to cycling class in a few weeks...actually over a month. As we were warming up the instructor said, Surprise! Its interval day. I thought to myself what did I get myself into?! And than he said, to finish off this great workout we will do a 13 minute hill climb standing up. I thought to myself, I hope I just make it the whole 60 minutes! Little did I know would I not only make it 60 minutes, but this workout was just what I needed

I love cycling class. It is the one workout where I feel like I push no matter what. No matter what is on my mind, or what happened earlier that day, or what mind frame Im in...I still push. Its like the one workout class where I literally let all my worries go and get lost in the class. Running is so opposite than that. I can say sometimes when Im done running I do get that great feeling that I consistently get during cycling class, but its not every time. Running is a much more love/hate relationship. Now cycling class is love only. (Sorry running! I still love you!) Everything about the class I love to pieces. The one awesome thing that always sticks out in my mind is that I feel like Im sweating out all those toxins in my body. And boy do I have toxins! When Im done I feel so refreshed and rejuvenated. This time was no different. The feeling came back so quickly, and I thought to myself you need to put cycling higher on your priority list! Oh how Ive missed you!

The intervals went well. Much better than I expected. Why are intervals in cycling so much nicer to me than intervals running? I think its having that bike underneath me or something...I feel more in control or something. Anyhoo....so as we were rounding the last half of the workout we landed into the last 13 minutes. Its all or nothing I thought to myself. Up the resistance went, and up on the bike I went. Our instructor tries to stay quiet so we can all have our zen place. Its a little hard for him but he does a good job. lol And he picks the most perfect music! Which also makes finding your zen a little bit easier. So after a minute or so I found that zen. As hard as your working, it feels just as relaxing as yoga. As strange as that sounds. The instructor told us to push our resistance up a bit, and when I did that I started to feel the intensity at a whole new level. I started to lose focus for a minute and than he said in a very loud, firm voice. YOU ARE IN CONTROL! THE HILL DOES NOT CONTROL YOU! YOU CONTROL THE HILL! That kept replaying through my head as I pushed out those last 5 minutes. When I was done....I pretty much had the cycling high. Does that happen or did I make that up? Anyways I felt fanfuckingtastic!

So as I carried out the rest of my week, whether it was a work stress situation, a workout I was trying to avoid, or even when making some of my food choices.....that saying replayed in my head again. You are in control! I found an ah-ha! moment. Dont you love those? I havent had one of those in a long time, so I got really geeked over it :) You are in control....such a simple phrase, yet it never really struck a cord with me before. Seriously, I control all my actions. I determine my fate. Im in control!

So glad I went to that cycling class. Another reason I need to go to class more often!

Selective Friendships

Remember when you were younger and friendships were just so much easier? You really had no worries, and knew you would be best friends for the rest of your lives. If we only knew than what we know now.

Recently I ended a friendship. A fairly new friendship, it was not even a year old. It had more ups and downs than I cared to ride out. And when the ride was up, it was great! But when it was down, it was way the fuck down there. Its always sad when you lose a friendship, even if it was an unhealthy one. I know it was the right thing to do, and feel good with my decision. But at the same time still stop to think to myself, why do I find myself in so many "toxic" friendships? Am I the problem? Do I get drawn into these type of friendships for a reason? It really puts me back into a evaluating me stage. Wondering what I could do differently to find the friendships I desire to have.

Going through this situation did make me realize something. I have grown. Although I did see the signs that this friendship wasn't working a few months ago, I did finally know when it was time to step away. Previously I would of engrossed myself in the unhealthiness that it was causing, and clung on to it for dear life. I have longed to find strong, close friendships for quite sometime. Ever since I lost the friendship of one of my dearest friends from my childhood. I haven't necessarily tried to replace her, but have longed to have a friendship that was like ours. Ive come to realize that probably will never happen, and am okay with that. Finally. It only took about 5 years. In previous years I would find myself settling for friends. Settling with the drama, cattiness, bullshit..whatever you want to call it. I would do that just to have a friendship. A friendship that I thought was what I wanted, but it would turn out that it was completely different than what I thought it was. Its like I would have this distorted vision of it, because I wanted the friendship so bad. Denial? Naive? Who knows. But this time I said enough is enough. I knew after going through those down stages...this is so not worth it. Life is way to short to mend things that are meant to be mended. I've really been trying to live my life in a more positive way. And this friendship was pulling me in the opposite direction. I was being derailed. Derailed from the person I want to be. And involved in a cattiness level I didn't even know existed! Im glad I finally was able to come back to reality and see it for what it was.

I have met many friends through this person, and thought this sucks to lose all those friendships. Its been so fun getting to know these girls over the last year, and I look forward to lasting friendships with them. But at the same time my sanity, and mental health comes first. I cant continue down this unhealthy "friendship" path I'm on. If those people I met are my friends, they will still be my friends. Regardless what happens between this other person and I. Actually this is a great opportunity for me to work on my qualities of being a friend. Reaching out and keeping in touch with them. Something that has been a weakness of mine for quite sometime.

And ironically since Ive ended that other friendship, I have had a chance to get together with those other friends more often than I did before. We always hung out in a group, so we just used that time to hang out. When your in a group its defintely fun times. But you don't really get to know each person on a more personal level. Now I'm getting that opportunity, and its great. Not having the extra stress from trying to make a friendship work that clearly wasn't working feels great to. I feel good about the growth I continue to make as a person. I am beginning to understand who I am, what I want, and carry that out. That feels really empowering.

Fresh Start

Something about the first of the month I just love. Its like a new beginning, a fresh start. Wipe that slate clean, and try to make this month better than the last. At least that is how I like my outlook to be.

Unfortunately this morning I didnt have that positive attitude. I defintely woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I attempted to go to bed early last night since Ive been so exhausted. After about 30 minutes I was woken up by fireworks. It sounded like they were being lit off my roof. Well they pretty much were. See I live in a pretty ghetto area. I hate it. But its where I live so I deal. And we are pretty much stuck here due to the economy so we try to make the best of it. Until shit like this happens, than I start to get really pissed off. The house next door to us was foreclosed years ago. And its been empty. For a LONG time. It has given us so many issues, especially one disgusting one in particular. We have dealt with many mice issues due to this. Many, many mice issues. It grosses me out thinking about it again. So when someone bought it I was pretty excited that finally the property was going to be cared for. Well the city forced them to tear the house down. And of course they are not rebuilding. So its just a vacant lot now. Lovely. A vacant lot that 10 neighborhood kids think is their playground, and love to bring in all kinds of shovels and dig up holes. But thats a story for another day.

So last night my lovely neighbors thought it was a grand idea to use the vacant lot to light off these huge fireworks. That started around 10pm and lasted for over an hour. The fireworks were pretty much being shot over our house. Dont these idiots realize they are lighting off fireworks in a weed infested lot and theres a good chance a fire would happen? These houses are to close to be lighting off those big fireworks! Nope, not them. They were tailgating, and having a good ol time. No one on my street would have the sense to think...oh people might have to work tomorrow, maybe we should wait till Friday. If they worked maybe they would understand. But yeah your not finding people like that in this neighborhood. You know people with COMMON SENSE! ARGH!

So as you can image I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Tired and cranky. So I was in a foul mood most of the day. I still packed my gym bag this morning, and planned on hitting the gym since I hadnt in the last two days. As the day progressed I thought...I should just go home, and veg. But I didnt. I knew my mood needed some brightening up. I made it to the gym after work, and started in on my 2.5 mile scheduled run. It was not a pretty sight. Struggles through the whole thing. But I worked through it. And through those awful side stitches. Even after taking a walking break for those things, I would usually just stop, but I finished out my last half mile with running. Go me :) I did feel great afterwards. To bad I ruined it with what I ate for dinner. oy! We will focus on the gym part for now :)

So yes, new month. New goals. New beginnings. Fresh Start. July is going to be a good month. I can feel it.