I ran my first half marathon. And it was absolutely amazing. I found myself pretty sad about it today actually. Sad, and a little mad that I couldn't get my crap together to run it this year. I will cut myself some slack that I have had quite the difficult year. (but seriously I cant use that excuse forever) It still made me a little sad when Ive been listening to all the race stories this weekend. I definitely had some envy!
So enough is enough. Today is a great day to recommit myself. I know. I know. You've heard this a thousand times. But this day last year was really such a huge milestone for me. I can remember it like it was yesterday. The emotions I felt that day I cant even put into words. It was just a really amazing experience. When you accomplish things you never think are in your reach...its life changing. No one can take that memory or feeling away. Its always nice to just go back to that moment, and get that warm fuzzy feeling all over.
Shortly after that wonderful day. About 10 days later I was hit with the passing of my dad. Life has been flipped upside down since than. Im in this constant struggle of control. Ill start to move forward, getting a good momentum of motivation, and than bam pulled back in the opposite direction. Im tired of it. I want that feeling back that I got on that day I ran my first half marathon. I can control that. I can control how I react to things. Running is one thing that has always maintained normalcy during all of this. And a lot of my reactions should involve it.
So as I reminisce on that amazing day, again Im saying it out loud for all of you to read. I am recommitting to myself. I owe it to myself. I deserve it. Im in control of my life. So I got derailed. I get derailed often. Its what I do after that derailment that matters. I ran a half marathon last year. I am capable of big things. Even if at times I feel like Im not worth it. Or Im more a failure than a successor. In the end of the day, the only person I have to impress is myself. Who happens to also be the only one who has me thinking these negative thoughts! I challenge myself to replace that negativity with positivity. And prove to myself that I am worth it. I challenge myself to react in a healthy positive way.
I also need to stop looking at the big picture, and take each day as it comes. Just try to make each day better than the last. Each meal better than the last. Each workout better than the last.
On that note, today was a good day. And tomorrow I will make even better.
Cincinnati...watch out. Melissa will be back for another Flying Pig Half Marathon in 2010 :)
